I finished the toca…that’s it. I will never be ready for 20th year.

Maybe it’s just that it is a Monday, maybe it was that I had to run the dishwasher before I could cook dinner (pan-fried grouper…eh, I hate frying and need to light a scented candle or 5 to get the smell out of the apartment) and that put me behind, or stopping to actually talk to Carole when I dropped off their key instead of just dashing off. Nonetheless, the hats done and not much else. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Okay, a few random tidbits:

I absolutely LOVE the fact that they are coming out with a beefed-up DVD of Clueless. I waited for quite some time before buying the DVD and was still disappointed that there were no special features. I will definitely be picking this one up.

Thoughts go to those in Louisiana after Katrina struck this morning. Eek! I know at least the majority of my family that lives in New Orleans got out and on their way to Atlanta in plenty of time, and family in Ponchatoula got at least a little farther north, I just hope they all have something to go home to. My Aunt and Uncle live in Metairie, two blocks from the Lake.

I love Mac OSX (shhh…don’t let my PCs hear) and not a small part because of the wonder that is iTunes and podcasts. I just wish I could get more than 1 hour of Kidd Kradick’s morning show. And speaking of them, ABC Family just played a promo for From Justin to Kelly (a movie I have watched numerous times….it really does remind me of the Frankie and Annette movies and I’m a sucker for coreagraphed dance scenes) and the little blond Alexis character sounds just like Kelly Raspberry and I was *sure* Kelly looked like that actress. I was a tad off, but oh well.

Abigail’s stitches come out tomorrow–she can finally get a bath! (I’m sure that’s not her highlight of the upcoming day, but again, oh well.)

The harp may be staying home this trip. I was really looking forward to playing it with the ensemble, but I’m quite concerned that the impending rain and humidity of the weekend may warp or worse the harp. On the one hand its one less thing to pack, on the other hand its a big disappointment. Oh well, there’s always Harvest, and Yule, and and and…

and finally,

Yes, Beowulf was assigned today (parts of it at least) but nothing is due on it this week. Wohoo!

And probably a million stitches completed. Oy but my fingers are sore! A fair amount of those stitches had to be done by hand and I don’t mind, really, I just wish I had started them before this week! Oh, and ironing sucks. Not a revelation, I know, but thesecond-degree burn on my arm (blasted linen setting!) will serve as a vivid reminder for a while.

Of the to-do list I have the following items completed:
*finished 2 16th century leine
*hemmed 2 non-accurate but wearable leine up another 12 inches
*one barbette made
*2 veils hemmed
*1 “cheese-mould” hat completed
*Spanish overdress completely trimmed, mended, and pearled to within an inch of my life (okay, it’s actually not that much, but it felt like it was never-ending)

Of the things still left to do:
* hem blue Shinrone gown
* hem and attach sleeves to green Shinrone gown
* mend red Shinrone gown
* make wrist straps for all three Shinrone gowns
* finish toca (the bands are pleated and measured, I just have the get them combined in their tiers and then close the back hem…almost there)
* make blue sleeves
* make saffron scarf
* paint and string beads and medallions

Things that will have to wait for another time:
* belts
* pouch
* shoes (hey, I bought a pair of china flats, they’ll have to do)
* amber jewelry

And other things on-going
* scroll…at least I started the illumination tonight. I’m generally a quick painter but copying the 13th century Spanish style is a little tougher than I envisioned. I really don’t know if I’m going to like how it turns out or not. And I may very well be entering it as a work in progress. Then again, maybe not.

And as if all of this was not enough, school starts tomorrow. Granted, my lone class this semester is online, and it should be fun, I’m just wondering if I’ll be assigned to read Beowulf this week or next! My luck, it will need to be read, summarized, and tested on by Friday lol

One last note…a funny thing happened on the way to the (old) mailbox this week: passed V on the road and he sorta waved me down. We had a pleasant chat through our respective driver’s side windows until someone came along needing to get by, saving us from the eventual dissolution into awkward silence. Not that we haven’t talked since I moved out, but not face-to-face. Then he called Saturday night to thank me for the picture CD I left for him and so forth. No problem. Then the awkward silence came when he started saying how nice it was to talk to me the previous day. Well, yes it was, and I’m glad we’re being adults about it, but it really didn’t warrant a call. Was I supposed to be more chatty? Was he trying to say something else? Lead to something?

It all got me thinking. In a few months we’ll go to the courthouse for the divorce and, if I remember correctly, they ask you if there is any way the marriage can be saved. Is there? No. And I don’t want that to sound in some way oversimplified or insensitive. It’s just that, the way things ended stirred up a lot of muck in the emotional basin. And, without going into too many details in the interests of the privacy of the involved party, it just wouldn’t be possible to continue in any sort of lasting relationship because I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. No matter how well things were going I’d always be worried that I would do something (or not do something) to cause another scene, another argument, or just disappoint him to the point that he wouldn’t be happy. Its not even a matter of trusting him, it’s a matter of being comfortable with him…I never will be. I’m sure from some people’s standpoint I over-reacted and blew the day out of proportion. But to me all I could see was what almost happened, and I’d always wonder and worry that the line that wasn’t crossed might indeed be crossed again. I suppose I really needed to work that out, but the realization was still pretty upsetting last night.

Now, to set the record straight, it wasn’t just the fight that ended it, that was just the proverbial straw. For a long time I was afraid that I wasn’t making V happy, and to me it seemed obvious he didn’t want to spend time at home because that’s where I was. We went from hanging out together, going places together, seeing a lot of each other, to doing our own things on our own schedules and I just saw him after 9 or 10 each night. I felt like I was getting the leftovers of his day, that other people got the happy and vibrant V and I just got whatever was left after having to be polite to everyone at work and hanging out with his friend(s), I got the venting that they weren’t privy to, I got the grumpiness, the exhaustion, and when I finally got to tag along through the house after him to tell him about my day I really did tag along: I followed him down the hall and back into the living room or office, I had to seek him out to talk to him, and even when he would come sit in the living room to watch tv (with me, my shows usually) it just felt like he was putting in the required hours, punching the marital clock as it was. I wanted more than that…I wanted to still be the first one he went to after work, to be asked about my day, to feel valued and special, and yeah, I wanted the dog-gone pedestal to be put up on, I admit it, and he refused. So your honor, that’s why it cannot be saved. And for the record, I’m rather afraid of heights so the pedestal wouldn’t even have to be that tall!

Ugh, enough maudlin introspection…this was not where this post was meant to go. But oh well. V, if you read this and actually got down this far, please try and understand and not be angry. Let’s go on being adults for those times we might actually see each other, and lets accept the was things are and each move forward. I wish you the best, I really do, and maybe one day we’ll each find that person that gives us what we need to be happy.

Well, I didn’t get quite as much done this weekend as I had originally hoped, but I did get a fair amount done, just the same. I have two leine almost complete (down to cuffs, collars and hem) and the gowns out and ready for minor mending (and hemming up of the blue) in preparation for 20th year. The Spanish overdress is sewn and hemmed, I just need to finish embellishing the trim to go on the cuffs and neckline. The second garb workshop went well and the dying demo spawned an impromptu fiber-identification class. Mom and Andrew got back from up north and I went over and saw pictures of their day-trip to New York. Of course, I also collected my souvenirs 🙂 Mom got me a Friends T-shirt from the NBC studios building. From the other day trip to Amish country Mom got be a doll holding a quilt and Andrew got me a new bell for my collection. It proudly proclaims: I “heart” Intercourse (PA). How twisted is it that one of the main Amish towns in PA is named Intercourse??? I love it! The bell is already on the curio shelf, right between all my more sedate locals.

The scroll (for lack of a better term) still needs to have painting begun on it…but if I get the sewing done after dance tomorrow I can devote the rest of the week to illuminating. There’s also an ensemble practice this week and I’m really looking forward to it (I missed the last one because I was so behind on everything else). Also there is a metric butt-load of wooden beads waiting to be sprayed and strung. But I’ve got 2 weeks!

I tell you, for the first 3/4 of my day I was surrounded by incompetence. Mind you, it was not my co-workers, just everyone else I had to interact with. (And no, very little of it had to do with the PMS I’m experiencing this week. It may have magnified it, but it was definitely not the cause.)

Anyway, several weeks ago I scheduled the icky female appointment for today at 4:15pm. Well, about mid-morning I realized I had not received my friendly reminder call the previous afternoon as per usual, so I suddenly paniced that they had not recorded my appointment correctly. I mean, icky as I find these annual visits, they are necessary for the renewed prescriptions, etc. So I call, endure the endless phone tree, and realize there really *isn’t* an option for “confirming an appt” so I picked the “make and appt” for the appropriate doctor and finally got a human. Of course, they *did* have the appointment for this afternoon, no worries, and oh it’s at 4. WTF?

4? I say.

Yes, 4, the chirpy desk girl replies.

But I made the appointment for four-*fifteen* for a reason, says I.

Well, it’s at four.

Gee, that’s all I get? And see, had I not called to confirm I would never have known the time changed and therefore would have been 15 minutes late for my appointment and it would have been ME who had to wait until they could squeeze me in or, that late in the day, have had to reschedule. I would have been blamed for their incompetence.

Other things had to do with vendors who either didn’t remember to data-entry the hand-written upcharge (which we, like a good little customer, paid) so now it shows a credit on the account (which can’t just be taken because one day they’d figure it out and then I’d have to pay it *again*) and another vendor who just couldn’t use common sense. I’ve been trying to get a tax issue resolved for 2 months. First I sent the correct certificate with the payment it applied to, but that didn’t work. So, two phone calls and two faxes of the same certificate later, the balance is still owed on the account, but it shouldn’t be. Today I try a third time, a bit miffed from the first incompetent vendor, and explain the situation to the AR lady. Keep in mind that I also had to request a copy of a bill that they had neglected to include in the delivery (or the shipping manifest for that matter).

Anyway, I explain that I’ve sent the form three times prior. I did mention that there is a difference between the corporate name and the dba on file, so maybe that’s where the confusion lies, of course why they didn’t notice the same address and fax number as on file is beyond me, but apparently the girl I spoke with (twice, on her request) couldn’t put her “please fax me the form” request together with the fax sent to her attention less than 60 seconds later. Twice. At the very least she could have faxed back the form with the question: what account number does this go to? But no. Anyway, this new girl told me that I was being rude to her when I called her company incompetent, necessitating repetitive work by me. Now, I considered myself being firm with them, getting the point across, since sweetness and light had gotten me no where. That’s too bad if she took offense, but maybe they can pick their employees better next time.

Lest you think I’ve spent all day in bitch-mode, I should note that I finally wore out about 2-ish and then actually got happy when I went to the doctor and found out I lost 4 pounds since the last time I was there, about 2 months ago. Granted, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to what I need to lose, but it’s a start and it made my doctor happy too. Oh, and I was right about my heel, it’s probably Tendonitis of the Achilles tendon. Will have to call the podiatrist tomorrow (just what I need, another doctor lol, I could start my own directory by now).

Back to the workshop prep!

…is all I should be doing right now, but channel flipping brought up the PBS pledge-drive that was showing A Song’s Best Friend: John Denver Remembered. I know its probably corny, and I’m really not “old enough” to be a true John Denver fan but I am, I am. In fact, one of the most memorable (in a good way) first “dates”/get-to-know-you things involved John Denver.

This was back before online personals, after my first divorce, and working full-time and going to school at night full-time didn’t leave a lot of time to meet new people. So I had a personals ad through the local paper, one that involved voice mailboxes, etc. and one guy who responded to my blurb played guitar. We met at a small downtown coffee & tea shop to talk face to face, and we got on the subject of music. I had just gotten the Wildlife Concert CDs and was thoroughly enthralled with some of the songs I’d never heard before, and it turned out this guy, we’ll call him Mitch, like JD as well.

Now, I was entirely too naive and trusting in those days, and blindly followed him to his little house in the numbered streets. He took out his guitar and we sat on his couch singing John Denver songs from a lyrics book he had. It was very strange, esp. in that I wasn’t as self-conscious as I usually am about singing in front of people, and surreal that something so simple and innocent could happen on a Monday night. I remember it was Monday because my Mom and eldest brother had gone over to Louisianna that weekend because my grandfather was dying. I needed to be at work and school, as did my youngest brother (except for the work part), but it was agreed that we would drive over if the inevitable happened. I called Jason to say that I’d be over to pick him up that evening (he was staying with the neighnor), and we were leaving in the morning to go over for the funeral.

Mitch and I actually didn’t have a follow-up date. By the time I got back from the funeral and caught up on work and school and all that, we just never managed to hook back up. Occasionally he came into the office because he worked for one of our clients, but he didn’t seem to recognize me. Even still, the brief interlude we shared, Mitch, John and I, ranks right up there with the best first-dates ever. I don’t if that’s a good thing or not. One thing’s for sure, I still adore John Denver songs, and live music always seems to sooth me, so I suppose if anyone out there was ever in a mind of how to woo me, this is a big tip lol

I so needed this happy memory after the afternoon I had. Thank you PBS, I only wish I wasn’t so broke or I would make a pledge.