Barely time to make it through the to-do list, much less anything else. Tonight I’m almost ‘caught up’ (whatever that really means) but am too tired. I don’t get it people. Why can’t I exist on consecutive nights of only 4 hours sleep each? huh?

The pup is back as of tonight. V and I are exploring the feasibility of a joint custody arrangement, 2 weeks at a go. Hopefully it will work out and then we’ll both get what we want: him time with Abigail, me time sans limits. Plus it should work out for him to have her both over Lion’s Tourney weekend and possibly Gulf Wars week… meaning I don’t have to find an pup-sitter.

The gallery has been getting some use this week now that DeSoto and Art/Sci pictures are up. My bandwidth usage might actually register this month lol

Tonight, since I haven’t had energy for anything else, I painted something for i-fri this week, just in time for the deadline. It’s also in the gallery, but I think I’m going to try and post the image here too, if I can. Let’s see, shall we?

Did it work?
No.

Okay, I suppose I’m going to have to go through the wordpress upgrade to be able to upload images to post directly on the blog. For now see Deco Kitty here .

I really want to make it through ER tonight… time will tell!

For those of you whom I mentioned this to at dinner the other night, and others who may not have encountered this before, go to your c prompt (make the background black and the text white if you’r using Terminal on Mac OS X) and enter the following:

telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl

Whee!

Geek central, but better them than me!

I got to thinking about them tonight, and how we tend to elevate certain things to ‘need’ status when really all they are are wants.

Basically we need oxygen to breathe, nourishment of some sort to feed our bodies, and shelter from the elements commonly considered as both housing and clothing. That’s it. All the rest is gravy.

Now, most people I think have a good handle on the difference between real needs and wants– but our language doesn’t always represent that. Frequently I’ll say something like ‘I can’t live without my cell phone/the internet/cable.’ Trivial things, but to me they make those bare necessities of life bearable, but really I could live without them if I had to.

Emotionally the difference between needs and wants can be blurred as well. I’m thinking that there are very few–if any–true emotional needs. I mean really. We need NOT to be subjected to harmful people or influences, but that’s something that can be worked around.

Why am I being all pithy and introspective? Well, I came close to saying something stupid, if only to myself. I almost said ‘I need’ about a person. Um, no. Why? Well, first of all its not accurate. I do not NEED any particular person for anything now that I am a relatively independent adult (the one exception would be my paycheck from my boss… but really that’s in order to supply two of the three basic needs for myself). Needing means you cannot live without. Now while this might sound harsh, I’m not trying to be, it’s just that needing someone implies obligating that someone.

I mean think about it: a baby needs a caregiver to supply his or her needs. Children need less and less caregiving as they grow into adult-hood and then (should be able to) rely on themselves. My dog needs me to be home to walk her at certain times and feed her. I am obligated by her need.

Now, I entered into that obligation freely of my own choice but it’s an obligation nonetheless. But my point here is that by ‘needing’ someone you are–if nothing else–asking them to accept that obligation, that burden of sorts that you cannot live without this person. Sometimes its a no-brainer and people are willing to accept the obligation with a happy heart, but it’s there no denying it.

I’m digressing a bit from my eventual point, but I swear I’m getting there in my own convoluted manner.

Anyway, I remember thinking about this back before I started dating again about what I really wanted. At first I went back to my automatic answer of ‘I need to be needed.’ Well, no. I want to be needed? Not even that. For the reasons stated above I don’t want someone to think they cannot live without me. Nor do I want to be that co-dependent ever again in my life. It may work for some people, but it’s not right for me. What I decided then, and still hold by, is that rather than needing or being needed by a particular person–rather than someone not being able to live without me–what I want, is someone to WANT me as much AS IF they needed me.

What’s the difference? Lots. That important distinction of need versus want. A need is instinctual, it’s inarguable, it’s life-dependent. A want is a desire, it’s a wish fulfilled, it’s something you would not choose to be without. That is the main thing–I don’t want an attraction that is some uncontrollable urge, I want to be a conscious choice.

And, for the record, I think I am. At this point in my life I have my needs accounted for and a vast majority of my wants, including being wanted in return. And I’m happy.

WoHoo! My new camera is now here! Wow that was quick. I’m so going to have to read the manual because o_O at all the buttons! I did figure out where the batteries and the memory card go, how to turn it on (and trust me, it’s not quite as simple as it might sound), how to set the time, and how to actually take a basic picture. Now you might think that’s all there is… um, no. I haven’t figured out how to view the pictures, how to record video (but I did find the audio input), how to judge card fill status or battery power, or what all the freaking symbols on the dials and buttons mean. But that’s okay, because I have plenty of time to learn.

Art/Sci is next weekend and while I could be panicked I did realize that I’m not that bad off. There are just the small details to fill in for the second page and then some touch-up work to be done on the first page, then re-write the documentation. It really shouldn’t be an issue. Oh, right, and framing it, which means I need to hit the art store this weekend. But all in all, I’m feeling pretty good about the prospect of getting it done.

Mon Amour is out of town this weekend…whatever will I do? Yeah, like that was going to be a problem; me, finding stuff to do? So I’m scrapbooking with Carole Friday night, hanging at All Saints with palmetto Saturday evening, possibly knitting at All Saints on Sunday afternoon and Art/Sci to finish during the in-between times. Miss him though I might (will), I will not be bored silly pining away for want of attention.

Wow, is this how parents feel when they send their kids off to summer camp?

I am furbaby-free for like a week and a half! V emailed me yesterday asking to get Abigail for a couple of days so I offered her next weekend since I’m already due out of town and I was sure Mom wouldn’t mind not having to watch her. Well, imagine my surprise when he offered to get her this week and keep her until I get back from Art/Sci!

Granted, the apartment is a WHOLE lot quieter without her here, but it’ll be nice not to have to worry about being home at times x,y and z to walk her, etc. Plus there is the benefit of being able to stretch out projects/supplies without the worry of pup-interference, a plus for the upcoming week. But the quiet might get to me, esp. at night when I’m trying to sleep, but I acclimate quickly so am not overly worried.