No, not some Entertainment Random feature on celebrity expose`s, but a possible reason for the below aggravation post.

While I don’t set my life by my horoscope, I’ve come around to the thought process of how there must be at least a grain of truth to it since the other explanation is just a whole lot of coincidences. And everything’s related anyway, so why should the stars be any different?

Anyway, I was reading an article on the mystical aspects of fire, and it occurred to me that the person I’ve been having so many problems with is among the fire signs, zodiacly speaking. I, on the other hand, am a definite earth sign. Do you see where this is going?

Physically, fire and earth can coexist quite well if caution and control are exercised. But left unattended or to run wild, fire can ravage earth, consuming it as fuel, leaving nothing but ashes in its wake. Not the earth is an angel either: too much can smother a flame. So the idea here, at least as far as this thought process has gotten, is to limit this earth’s exposure to that fire. Plus the knowledge of the reason why, which always helps me deal with situations, will make it easier for me to know when I’ve had enough and keep the conflagration to a controled burn.

I do find it interesting, in light of this information, to reflect on the fact that there is a flame on my proposed SCA device. However the fact that it is a silver flame on a blue background still bears out my idea of a contained fire, one that merely illumiates the night sky without the scorching heat of a proper flame.

Yes, folks, I’m quiet for an age and then come back with a rant. But really, this rant has been building for a while.

I’m aggravated. Mostly at a particular person, but really it’s not his/her fault. After all, can you really be to blame for your general existence? Okay, that makes it sound worse than it is. I’m in personality conflict with someone who shall remain nameless, yet who is a semi-required part in several facets of my life right now, thanks to common interests and mutual friends.

Basically, I have my share (and perhaps more than that) of pet peeves, and there is a particular person who checks ‘yes’ on several of them:

*clueless and obnoxious about it
*mangles metaphors
*mangles words in general

The clueless and obnoxious bit I define as when someone is new to something or trying something for the first time and instead of asking a few questions and learning quietly they are all ‘hee hee, I’m new and I don’t know what I’m doing, so look at me, and hold my hand, and explain everything five zillion times and praise me even though I suck and, oh, hee hee, I can’t do this at all but tell me I can and let me monopolize your time so much that you don’t have time to work yourself but hand-hold me, and look at me, I did this piece of shite and I expect everyone to praise me for it and tell me how wonderful it is because, hee hee, I’m new and the world tells me that I’m great even though I’m clueless’

You know people like this, I know you do. They suck all the attention from a room, make themselves a magnet for empty praise, leech onto talented people by association, and are generally giggly and happy and bouncy when they should just sit their asses down and learn without disrupting everyone else. Don’t be the lowest common denominator, don’t be the time suck. Do some of the homework yourself and bring something to the table. Gah!

Oh, and they also tend not to get it that when they do make an honest mistake they should fix it with a certain calm and rationality rather than make the faux pas more noticeable by loudly exclaiming ‘oops! I didn’t realize I had no business being/doing place/thing a when I was supposed to be/do place/thing b, let me fix this with great show and circumstance’ It’s embarrassing to be associated with people like this.

The mangling words and metaphors is more obvious. Please, people, take the time to think about or read carefully the word you’re trying to say, then let your brain transmit the entire thing to your mouth before you start. And by all that is holy, know the metaphor or cliche you attempt to say is correct, not only in its entirety but for the situation.

Yes, folks, I’m a bitch, I know this. Perhaps I should have waited until I was like 50 or 60 before getting all mean and intolerant of stupidity, but hey, I’m ahead of the curve, deal. Yes, I’m an elitist. No, I don’t suffer fools at all much less gracefully. And maybe I put on airs sometimes, but I was not raised white trash–we were poor, but not trash, and I know they way things *should* be and strive to get them there. For those that truly know me, you know that I’m not mean or heartless, I just have a low tolerance for stupidity. For those that don’t truly know me, well, you may not ever esp. if you fall into the above category (and wow that’s such a small smattering of my pet peeves) because while I’ll be perfectly polite and all to you directly (I am a Southern belle after all, we don’t openly cut you to your face, at least not where most would be able to tell), I won’t share my deepest self with your ignorance.

*grumble grumble grumble*

my missing self-confidence? I seem to have misplaced it recently and want it back.

Sigh… I realized a couple of days ago that one of my large sources of discontent was coming from comparing myself to others around me and coming up miles too short! Why? I have no clue, but I was doing it and making myself feel < -> big. Where all that wonderful moxie and confidence that I discovered last Fall has gotten to, I don’t know, but maybe now that I’ve realized it’s gone I’ll actually be able to find it.

Still, if you happen to see it charging about, try to persuade it to come home.

# # #

In other news, the Holter monitor results came back. Ugh, why is it that doctors (or, in this case, nurses) act surprised when a patient doesn’t like the verdict of ‘normal’? I mean, there are certain tests that are supposed to come back normal; like Pap smears, AIDS test and cholesterol screenings. Any test that’s being done to diagnose an acknowledged problem should not come back normal, at least not without the next words out of your mouth being ‘but here’s what we’re doing next to figure out what is causing your symptoms.’

Granted, I’m awfully calm about it now, but when I did get the call I was like

Ooooooookay? What do I do with ‘normal’ ?

Sigh… so now it’s off to yet another specialist (I’m certainly racking them up lately; pulmonologist, ENT, endocrinologist, podiatrist and now cardiologist). In the mean time it’ll soon be back to trying to fix the tendon and ligament issues in my heal with a MRI on Thursday.

And this is sort of a rant but I’ve already ranted to him directly, but it has bearing on ‘why the party was weird’

Mon Amour paid virtually no attention to me at the party. Even though we’d expressly discussed whether PDA’s were allowed owing to the mixed company (to which I explained that such an event called for a suspension of certain rules I’d set down recently and not only were PDAs expected but it would be insulting if they were not present) he generally stayed several paces to the entire room away and really just acted like there was nothing between us. So yeah, that certainly didn’t help my mood….

/ end rant

kinda sucked.

Maybe that’s too strong a word, but, well, not really.

Then again, I suppose it started before my actual birthday when my hearbeat went a tad kerfluey, but with everything going on (and since it didn’t actual hurt or cause problems per se) I ignored it and didn’t say anything until after my birthday. It’s always a little disconcerting, though, when you call for a doctor’s appt and things happen in quick succession:

• called Monday at 8:45 for an appt, granted one for 11:30
• 11:30 appt, virtually no waiting, but also didn’t catch anything on the ecg in office, they said I needed a Holter monitor but that required a hospital visit. Before I left the office I had not only the Rx for the monitor, the appt time (Tuesday at 1pm) but the REFERRAL number as well (do you *know* how long that usually takes?)
• 12:30 on Tuesday I show up at the hospital for my ‘fitting’ and surprise, it’s not two electrodes like the little picture shows… it’s 7!

Now, here’s where things slowed down a bit. I did the monitor thing and kept the diary like I was supposed to, turned it in on Wednesday just after it beeped the 24-hour point, and then nothing. Not nothing = no more palpitations but nothing = no response to my calls asking about the results. I know interpretation takes time, but come on people, it’s my heart here! Still, it doesn’t hurt, it just feels weird and makes me tired, but I really expected some sort of response by the end of the week!

So, okay, there’s been that. And I should preface the rest of the event/birthday weekend by saying that the event and Andrew’s graduation were perfectly fun and just as they should be. My birthday party, though? That was a little weird.

See, I know I’m a control freak, and I knew it was a busy weekend and that everyone who made it to the party would be on the tired and worn-out side, and I also know that grown-up birthday parties aren’t like kids parties, and, finally, no, I can’t say what I actually *did* expect, but it wasn’t what happened. I think I expected more attention maybe? something along those lines? Instead I was markedly inconsequential. It didn’t seem to matter if I was in the room or not, if I was even there. I know it’s vague, but the most concrete thing I can point to is that no one even tried to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me when I brought the desserts out. What’s up with that?

Now, please don’t think I’m whining… Honestly I’m not, I’m not even venting at this point, I’m more just recaping what this week has been like and how it left me feeling. The party? I’m thankful for everyone who came, I’m glad that all of the food was such a hit and that people were able to relax and unwind a bit, and had it not been my birthday party, it would have been a perfect little get-together among friends.

Now, the other thing this week has been the Abigail issue. For more than 6 weeks I’ve been trying to find a new home for Abigail. Basically I’m not home a lot and when I am I’m working on projects, not playing with her. Being out of town is something I like doing but it’s difficult to impose upon people to watch her while I’m gone (and boarding was never really an option due to her temperament). Plus, my health issues (all these little annoying things that flare up periodically) make it difficult for me to deal with a hyper little dog. So, I wanted to find her a new home where a dog could be a dog.

I knew the pound was out so I tried to go through the Humane Society and/or some local rescue groups. Problem here is that owner surrenders are not their prime directive, and as such, my phone calls and emails were not returned. Now, just to be clear, I don’t bear them any ill will, and have linked to them only so those looking to adopt animals or support rescue groups will know who to help. But still, this had been so very disheartening. So the week before last I gave up and placed a listing for her on freecycle. Withing 15 minutes I had a number of inquiries and I actually began to think I’d really find her a good home.

Of course, one big reason I wanted to go through the above avenues was that I trusted their screening process as fas as placing the animal in the best situation and not settling. This was/is important to me. Now that I was doing it myself, my stress levels went up and I was really concerned about these strangers who might want Abigail. One applicant stood out from the others, but after having that fateful weekend to think it over, she backed out.

Another week of searching and screening yeilded two meet-ups for this weekend. The first required a long drive for a short meeting. The person was truly delighted with Abigail, but her rattie-mix Prissy was not. My theory that fellow small dogs were not a good match for Abigail was proved correct. Sigh. Which made me rather apprehensive for today’s meeting with a gentleman and his beagle. Color me surprised when Abbie didn’t go on the defensive with Zeus. She didn’t growl, she didn’t cower, and after a little bit she ever had a yen to play with him. So much so that she went to a new home today which has made me a little sad.

Mom, of course, was relieved to at least hear that. Yes, folks, I do have a heart, I do have feelings, and even though that little dog annoyed me to no end some days I will miss her. I cried all the way home but got a grip after that, called Mom to tell her the news, and tried to go on with the day. Since she’s spend time at V’s not too long ago, having the apartment to myself is not quite so alien, but I imagine as the days go on it’ll hit me more an more (provided her new owner doesn’t call me and say ‘I was wrong, come get her’).

So, that’s been my week. Thrown in with that was the serious depletion of my bank account, almost being late with the rent (I remembered in time though), a sudden sinus infection, and having to train a coworker on our own special version of data entry while the boss was away just had made this not the most fun time.

Still, I din’t think I’d want to do it again and try for better. Best just to move on and hope for the best (which preparing for the worst; speaking of which, I need to get a baseball bat, an airhorn, and a can of mace for by the bedside now that my built-in alarm is gone).