Scraps (n. ,fem., singular)

SO very different from last year when each trip to the service bay was fraught with stress, anxiety, frustration and much, much anger. But the little light is now off and Electra’s had her 6K-mile check-up and is just find. I’ve had her almost a year and only have 6530 miles on her. Not bad for including a trip to Atlanta and back, a trip to Mobile and back, and one or two trips to Central FL and back.

I also got to play with the shiny new toy at work today. That copier, etc. can do quite a few things, but it’s a bit temperamental at the same time. But the touch-screen is nice. Bink bink bink.

Tonight I mostly worked on some planning for NaNo while watching CSI and ER season openers. Tomorrow night is Ghost Whisperer, Moonlight, and NUMB3RS for fun! fun! fun! Meanwhile I’ll work on next week’s comics and plan for the next eHow article. It’s multitasking at it’s finest and most rewarding. I swear!

But I had to leave early today for a NaNo meeting so I didn’t get to see it in action. It’s a very spiffy copier, fax, scanner, printer, that walks an talks–or it at least better!

Not really much else to say. I have to drop off Electra tomorrow morning so I’d better make it a kinda early night.

No, seriously. This morning, shortly after arriving at the office, it hit me: I have OnStar.

So I went back OUT to the car, cranked up the engine, and pushed that little blue button and had a nice chat with a diagnostician was able to tell me that the vent solenoid was reading as broken. Mystery solved, and I have scheduled it for service on Thursday. Made me feel a lot better knowing it was actually something off rather than a loose fuel cap or water on the emissions sensor.

After work it was a quick trip to Target Copy to make up the packets for the teacher meeting tomorrow. I made 30. I’m optimistic. Usually I’d just stay late at work and use our office copier for this sort of thing but there was a slight hitch there: it died. Hellacious noise turned out to be the equivalent of an engine seizing and there’s no hope for it. Play taps and donate it to OAR. Of course, this was beneficial, because for under $20 and under 10 minutes I had the packets not only collated but stapled. The usual way would have had me collating by hand and stapling myself. This was much better.

The BYOP(5) invitations are about half assembled. Or, well, the cover bit is. This is turning out to be a slightly more involved project than I thought, but the hard part (well, it wasn’t even that hard, just tedious from the necessary trial and error) is done. I should be on schedule to send them out on the first. I’m really liking the interactivity of this years invitation, it should be more obvious than last year’s black bar and the mechanism is so very simple in reality… Thank goodness I went through all those old craft magaziens otherwise I wouldn’t have found the answer to my dilemma

At least not for quite a while. I had this weird feeling that I’d forgotten something even though I know I hadn’t. I’d completed most of the items on the to do list and the one that wasn’t got a decent start. I checked that the doors were locked, everything turned off that was supposed to, nothing was wrong. And yet, I couldn’t sleep.

I ended up reading an entire Stuart Woods novel that Mom had leant me and finally was able to get to sleep sometime towards 4am. And overslept a bit. I wasn’t all /that/ late for work, but I was rushed and didn’t have time to stop for gas on the way in. At 10 I had a dr’s appointment so I left early enough to take care of that little detail only to find that the gas-cap was, in fact, not secured. Now, I’m compulsive about turning it until it clicks once or twice and I hadn’t gotten gas in almost 2 weeks so how it came loose is anyone’s guess, but in light of this little development I’ve decided to give that pesky light another couple days to reset itself. Grr

And then things got really interesting.

As I approach my dr’s office I notice signs advertising a (new?) dr’s office in the area all pointing in the direction I was heading. See what’s coming up? Yeah. I kept thinking that maybe he was renting the other half of the building but, no, when I walked in the lobby stretched all the way across both halves (a change) and it was clearly redecorated.

Bewildered and a bit irritated since it was four minutes until I had to be who knows where, I tap on the receptionist’s glass and explain my confusion. She wasn’t exactly sure where the new office was but thought it was on Centerville (where I’d just passed but is split so backtracking gets a bit interesting). Luckily I had my old appt card in my purse so I was able to call and get the new address. Fifteen minutes, two circles around a warren of small offices, and two different mis-guesses I finally find the office, only to find out that the doctor isn’t even in yet! Oh brother.

Now, granted, he’d been on call all weekend at the hospital, I later found out, and got hung up on a consult that morning, hence the delay, but it was a full 2 hours before I got back to the office. The good news is that things are still moving in the right direction, he’s happy with my progress (even if it is incremental) and will see me again in March unless something else presents itself.

The rest of the day was blessedly uneventful until I got the initial pictures from Q. She’s awesome, I just wish I’d given her more to work with. I really need to work on my posture! I’ve just barely narrowed the 66 shots to my fav 10. And you really can’t tell that we were all sweating buckets in Sunday’s humidity.

And tonight, thank heavens, television has returned. Yay! And I will say that holy hell but Heroes has won me for another season. I really didn’t expect to watch this season since the original plan had been to dump the season 1 cast and start fresh which made no freaking sense. But after tonight’s episode I barely know what to make of some of the details but I like what I see so far.

This has been an incredibly busy and productive weekend.

Friday night Palmie and I went out for sushi and then back to her place to pack pack pac. She’s moving in a week and still had a lot to go. We made a dent and then she kept on during the weekend.

Saturday the to-do list was long and included shopping for a few things. Turned out to be a stellar shopping day as I came across one sale after another. Including a pair of free shoes! I was at Bealls Outlet and saw some cute ankle-strap pumps for 16.99 but they had a little discount code sticker on them that I thought was 70% off. Nope. It rang up as 95% off! Eighty-five cents, people, for shoes that originally retailed for $44!

Today we (Q, myself, along with T&C) tromped all over Maclay Gardens where Q took tons of pictures of the three of us. I had decided it would be a good idea to have a decent headshot done for my profile over at eHow and just to have some shots for general use. It’s been years since I’ve had photos done anyway and let me tell you: working with a photographer who’s also a friend is a far different experience than going to some studio who just moves you through. I can’t wait to see the pictures.

With a couple more hours to go before bed I’m going to try for one more project at least started. This one will be for the pumpkin party. I thought about whether I should cancel it, whether I would have the time to put it together, but since the canopy and favor containers have already come in, I have all the basic supplies already and the party almost plans itself there was really no reason to forgo it this year. While I may not be able to do such extensive decorating as I’d planned, I think it will still go off well and not interfere with the increasing writing demands.

This week, though, is going to be a smidge crazy. I’ve got a follow-up visit with Dr Z tomorrow at 10am, Wednesday we have a Q&A meeting at 3:45 for the teachers participating in NaNo and I may very well have to take Electra into the dealership because the engine light came on Friday. Granted, I’d splashed through a puddle on the way into the parking lot that morning, at if the water splashed onto the emission control that could cause the light, but I really think it should have dried out by now and the light it still on. If it hasn’t gone off by the time I get back from the dr’s tomorrow I’ll call and let them know I’m bringing her in. Hey, I didn’t get around to getting the oil changed this weekend so they can do that, too, and it’ll only cost me $10. Probably have them rotate the tires as well. But that’ll be all that gets paid for since she’s well under the bumper to bumper warranty.

No, not really. That’s not how I view this step it just feels like it some moments.

I was able to take care of a few loose ends tonight, I’ve notified the powers that be of the needed sca-scale-back and we have plans in place to facilitate that. Basically I’ll be invisible in November if it’s not writing related (oh, I’ll still post here as the wordcount climbs, no worries there) and then in December I’ll actually be able to function again. I hope.

The new writing era starts next week. I’m still trying to decide what is going to be my second writing day. I could keep Wednesdays and then add Saturday or Sunday, that’s 3 and 4 days between writing sessions, enough time for fresh eyes for editing. Or I could do Tuesdays and Thursdays, but then I’d only have one day between and I do still want to make SCA meetings so Thursdays aren’t really great for that (though there is a new coffee shop not far from the meeting site that might need to be checked out…). I think I’ll try Wed/Sat next week and see how it goes. This weekend I’ll wrap up the last September article and try and get a bit ahead on the comic.

The cable appointment actually went quite smoothly and while I was home UPS showed up with the Canopy for the BYOP party. Bonus! I still haven’t even opened the box yet, there hasn’t been time. I finally got the Panhandle Skirmishes website uploaded. It’s not my prettiest work, but it’s up and it’s (hopefully) correct and I can work on prettying it up this weekend. Another thing off the list.

Finally, I took a bit of a trip in the time-machine tonight. See, four months ago I had that unfortunate incident with the paring knife (that I still can’t bring myself to use or even touch) that landed me in the hospital waiting room all night. As a result of my stupidity, I missed the (crucial) last 15 minutes of CSI and the entirety of ER. I finally got to see them tonight. It was very weird realizing just at what point I no longer remembered the CSI episode which had been on in the background while I got stuff ready for the camping trip that never was. The scar from that evening is still fairly noticable and the side of my index finger is still pretty sensitive if too much pressure is applied, but I don’t think I’ll ever be as careless with a blade again!

So last night I got a good start on the title generation train–about halfway there. Apparently I just needed a bit of motivation. Tonight (after a successful session at All Saints I should say) it just doesn’t seem to be flowing. And I really need to come up with the rest of my titles for the next three months (or at least a vague idea thereof). I also need to hear back from someone regarding an email from last night, but that hasn’t happened either.

Oh, well, I’ve got an hour before bed and I will come up with something. It’s a challenge and I think (I hope) I’m up for it. The doubt-monsters kept striking today at work, but I’m trying to keep them at bay. Bay, dammit!

(aka Holy cow but this changes a lot. A lot, a lot. What in the hell am I going to do?!)

So, last night I was rambling about something was needing to ‘give’ and how I just couldn’t do everything anymore. Going by the recently-hired-first-to-be-fired mentality I was totally thinking that eHow might be the thing to go. Um, yeah, about that…

Had a bit of a chat with the West Coast after work today and, well, there’s serious opportunity here. Mega opportunity. Like, making me rethink priorities kind of opportunity. But the cost would be increasing my writing quota which would directly impact my other interests. Is it a) doable and b) worth it?

From a purely financial standpoint well… I’m salivating. I mean, I’m not going to post numbers (that would not be right to do) but it certainly makes my per-hour input more commesurate with the value of my time.

From a time standpoint, I’d have to be much more strict on myself writing-wise. Granted, the last month of going to All Saints on Wednesdays is really paying off as far as productivity goes. Two hours there usually gives me an opportunity to do most of the edits on the previous week’s article and write the draft of the next. That’s not all that bad. Right now I have an obligation to publish 3 per month. If I go with the proposed, uh, upgrade, I would be obligating myself to publish 7 per month. Now, if I really simplify it, that just means doubling my writing sessions, right? I mean, 4 weeks a month give me 4 writing slots (so that’s 3 articles with one week to spare or get ahead for the next month). And if the month has 5 weeks (one a quarter does, you know), then that’s another week of wiggle room. If I just changed my schedule to two writing sessions a month then theoretically I’m covered. As long as there are a couple days between each to clear my head between the draft and editing it shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, really, how is this any different than taking a second, very part-time job somewhere?

I’ll tell you how: content. Do I have it in me to come up with seven actionable, monetized topics a month? There’s the rub. So it’s a matter of confidence, right? Now, some of you are probably thinking I’m pretty much at critical mass for self-confidence which, some days, is true. At least that’s what I’d like people to think. But I have a healthy amount of self-doubt and self-criticism to balance that self-confidence, and right now that’s Big Issue #1.

That means there’s a Big Issue #2, right? Yup. Time management. Okay, what was I whining about last night? Right: not having enough time to do everything. What was I berating myself for today at work: the current trend of poorly managing my time at home in the evenings and on weekends. In fact, before the phone coversation this evening, I was already starting to think that I needed to get back to parcelling out my evenings into workable blocks. So, in a way, this eHow opportunity is coming at just the right time to really make that plan workable. To really give me incentive to implement. Right!

But no matter how well I schedule things, the fact of the matter is that I have approximately 5 hours an evening between dinner and bedtime (because sleep really isn’t negotiable) and, let’s say, 15 hours each on Saturday and Sunday. (5 x 5) + (15 x 2) = 55 hours to play with. Sounds like a lot when I put it that way. But, as Palmie reminded me, all work and no play is never a good idea, so let’s say a hour an evening during the week and 2 or so each weekend leaves me with 46 hours or so. Still not bad. I should be able to work with that, right? Maybe? Of course, there are always those weeks when nothing wants to work and I need to veg a night or two and, well, it’s unrealistic (if I’m looking at this as scheduling my off-time as ‘on’) to ‘work’ seven days a week, so probably the more realistic number I’m dealing with is in the range of 35 between littles odds and ends and life just intruding.

So, say, 10 hours a week for eHow (that gives me two writing sessions plus some time for photographing or illustrating points, more thorough editing and uploading). How much time does Random Acts… take? Let’s see, each strip has to be scripted, sketched, inked, shaded, scanned, digi-prepped, uploaded, and activated. All in all, rough estimate, I’d say that takes about 10 hours a week as well (some more than others and I really need to start building up a buffer again, especially if I proceed with eHow). That leaves me 15 hours a week (or, basically, Saturday) to do everything else I want to: webstuff, research, SCA meetings and events, officer stuff for SCA, home dec projects, throwing parties, creating new projects, cleaning house, doing laundry, shopping, checking emails…

Yeah.

So here’s the big question (which I also asked Palmie in a rather rhetorical way): Do I really want to commit myself to becoming a writer?

I mean, I’m sorta heading in that general direction lately. Between the comic, the graphic novel languishing in an incomplete text file, NaNo for 4 years with no signs of stopping, even this blog… I tend to do a lot of wordy stuff. I’ve always enjoyed researching, and teaching fun things (and eHow combines both of those interests) and I am capable of doing it… But am I ready to make that sort of committment. I mean, this would mean pretty much having two non-work interests: writing and webcomics (with some crossover on both fronts, so maybe it’s only one interest) in order to accomplish anything.

But the benefits. First, of course, there’s the money. The pay would be good and, hey, being paid for an ersatz hobby? Kinda moves it up in the rankings a bit if you know what I mean. Second, there’s the exposure. I mean, on the internet it takes a lot to get noticed: a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of luck.

I feel like I lucked into this writing gig by being in the right place (or rather, the right listserv) at the right time and putting myself out there even though I really didn’t have the qualifications they were getting from other people (not that I beat anyone else out, I just had interests I could write about that others hadn’t so far). So there’s one out of three. Time, well, time’s flexible not in how much we get, but how we use it. I’ve already pin-pointed on paper at least how I could conceivably accomplish the task time-wise. So that’s two. Three is effort: am I willing to commit to the effort? Still thinking.

Third, is the credibility. This goes a bit with the exposure ‘plus’ in that if I put forth the effort and make the time, I can turn my luck into what? Into readership for Random Acts… Into maybe getting a real publisher for the graphic novel. Or maybe a publisher for the non-graphic novel. Maybe I get noticed by someone else and get a better or complimentary offer. That’s a lot of very tempting maybes… And can we say that next year’s D*C could be 100% write-off? (well, except meals, there’re only 50%)

I told WestCoast that I’d have an answer in a couple of days. This change, by the way, would kick in next month. And the 7-article obligation might be changing depending on the implementation of some other site features in the hopper that would decrease the standard article needs in favor of some alternative content. Now, let me tell you, I am all for those additional ideas coming into play and they would fit very easily with my current style and so forth (but I won’t spill what it is because I wouldn’t want to be sharing company secrets).

Tonight I’ll do a bit of research on some of the ‘competition’ to see about some changes I talked about with WestCoast. Also I’ll do some brainstorming on content and if I can get together 3 months of topics (21 titles) then I’ll be good for the rest of the year and will be that much closer to saying ‘yes.’ The big thing that will desparately need to change is my level of SCA involvement. Already I don’t have time to do everything I’m trying to, and that tends to be a source for a lot of the larger committments. Again its a cost-versus-earning comparison and, unfortunately, Med.Rec. doesn’t pay for most of us. Granted, it’s still an expert vertical for the time being (though that may be changing due to target demographic reasons) so I’ll still be in, I just can’t be uber-helper-monkey anymore and I may need to discuss some prior committments with some others at the meeting Thursday, or maybe before…

Oh, wait, maybe I should back up a bit.

I managed to salvage some of Saturday night after my rant. Took about 45 minutes but I did, in fact, get over it and even thought about heading out to a club. None of the bands in town were anything I really wanted to see/hear so instead I picked up some take-out and a movie and managed to do a few sketches while watching Premonition (not bad; not great, but not bad).

Sunday I went over to Mom’s to install her new towel rack which had given her a significant amount of trouble earlier in the week. Everything has to be an adventure, right? One trip to Home Depot, two sets of drywall-mounts, and several backup plans (I think we finally finished on Plan E?) later that bad-boy is installed and no way are we moving it. Ever. Mom remarked, after the craziness, “Well, it’s not perfectly straight.” At that point I told her she’d just have to fluff up the towel on that side and she’d never notice, because it was /not/ moving. Luckily she wasn’t serious about nudging it to be a hair more level. Work got a kick out of the ordeal but at least I got to play with power tools and then Mom took me to dinner.

Today, however. Today. Monday. Oh my word was it. I hit cranky at about 11 and moved into catty around 2. Then I had the wonderful idea (since the blue pencil was not erasing well from the grabby paper I mistakenly bought last shopping trip) that I would scan the next several ’strips’ (the bio pages that are 3 weeks of procrastinating filler… shhhh! don’t tell anyone!) and color and letter them digitally.

What fresh hell did I get myself into? I found a great tutorial only, see, I have Photoshop Elements (came with the tablet) and I can do most anything I need to in it. Except, apparently, channels, and that’s what this super simple and understandable tutorial had me using. Layers weren’t quite cutting it so I remembered that GIMPshop (the open source equivalent) was on Sonja so I go to check and see if it’ll do layers. Sure! Okay, minor setback but we’re working now.

Nope. I don’t care what they say about it being a great stand-in, for this task it was not up to the challenge. Or, rather, I wasn’t. I searched for a better tutorial and, honestly, learned some things in the process, but by 9:30 I hadn’t gotten the first pixel colored. I was almost to the point of putting up a filler image (filler for filler, I know, I know) but I couldn’t let myself. So, blue pencil notwithstanding, I did it my usual way (with brush markers) and lettered totally on the fly (which is why there is a typo… hypo? wripo? whatever it is, I totally wrote RA4ND0M and totally didn’t catch it til I was done), scanned it and then proceeded to upload the wrong version of the image (and this is why I check each post before it goes live).

Add to this the rude salesman on the phone and idiot coworkers, I’ve had a hell of a day. On the eventual purchase list gets added a copy of CS2 (or whatever is available by then), the to-do list gets a bullet for finding non-photo blue mechanical pencil leads so my sketches are even less noticable, and the realization that something has /got/ to give. Soon.

If I’d have given into the panic from an hour ago I think I would have dropped out of the SCA and quit eHow immediately just to get some pressure off my shoulders. Thankfully I realize that the current crazy-load is temporary and I just need to manage things better. Nothing will change for the next few months and I can–and will–deal. It’s my personal projects that are languishing and while many would say those are the most important, I’ve made committments that I’m going to do my best to keep because that’s important to me. Fun and sleep are overrated, anyway.

And let me tell you, if satellite systems in this town were at all reliable and not prone to weather disturbances, variations in tree foliage, and the like I would /so/ be switching right about now.

On August 31st I used the online interface at Comcast.com to request and schedule an upgrade from Analog to Digital cable. Because I did not wish to miss work I scheduled the next available weekend appointment, which was supposed to be today between 1 and 4. Did you catch the use of ’supposed’ in there? Oh, yes, you see, apparently the online chat person (’Larry’ I believe it was) never completed the order processing.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. At about 3:10 I decided I would call and confirm that someone was, actually, coming out today. After holding for a while (inevitable, eh, that’s what speakerphones are for) the guy on the phone told me that since the order was placed online he didn’t have access to that system and suggested I check it online.

At which point we have two issues: 1. Comcast.com is being very sluggish and not accepting logins at the moment (because I tried that while I was on hold doncha know… I’m not totally daft). 2. What do you mean that its two separate systems and never the twain shall meet? Huh? How can they be so de-centralized that any tech that answers the phone cannot look at my account and see any scheduled service changes or technician appointments?

Finally he was able to find someone who could access that system (gee, what a surprise, it is possible) and, bad news, there was no such appointment scheduled. And, oh, poor little dears, all the technicians are booked solid today and tomorrow and the next opening they have is Thursday the 20th. Now, I’d already explained to the little pipsqueak that I didn’t do week-day appointments because missing work to meet the cable guy was not really an acceptable use of my time. The next weekend appt? Sat. the 29th. Which happens to be the Harvest event. Did I really want to miss it on account of someone couldn’t do their job? Not especially.

Supposedly they agreed to call me 20 minutes before the tech is supposed to arrive but the last time we made that arrangement? Yeah, didn’t happen. They called as they were pulling into the complex and had attitude because they had to wait on me.

You know, I realize that cable is not one of those necessities of life, that it’s a luxury. But for a convenience it’s pretty dog-gone inconvenient. Why can’t people do their job? Why was the ball dropped? I mean, why is it that we have a community of worker-bees so uninterested in where their paycheck is coming from that not finishing a job is no big deal. They get paid whether the customer is happy or not and because they’re pretty much the only game in town they really don’t have to work to get customers. It’s almost enough to make you want to boycott the whole process but whose getting hurt? Not them. Me.

It’s stupid to be so worked up about it, as well. I know this. But it’s just so incredibly frustrating to have people unwilling to help. So cut off from the people they supposedly serve that they just don’t give two pins about the fact that someone else, another representative of their company, essentially lied by making an appointment that never was, casting a pall on the entire operation. They just don’t care and that’s incredibly sad.

And what makes matters incredibly worse is that I could have been doing other things today. I could have been running errands or what have you but instead I was here. Sure, I was doing stuff around the house, but that’s not the point. I was tied to my apartment for the imaginary cable guy for three hours. I spent 40 minutes and 49 seconds arguing with the customer ’service’ person on the phone. My blood-pressure and stress levels were elevated and no one gives a damn.

I really shouldn’t let it get to me so much but, well, tihs is me and those who know me know that I really have no emotional sheilding to speak of (probably should work on that) so encounters like this really drain me. Of course I get angry and frustrated on the phone with the cable company; who doesn’t? But unlike most, I then feel guilty for such outbursts (even though I totally believe they are justified) and the up and down just kills me. So now I’m looking at the clock, it’s not even 5 yet, but I know the rest of my day is shot because of this. All I really want to do is crawl into bed and try and hope for a reset button to magically appear.

I woke up just as my alarm was going off today. And by ‘off’ I mean after it had blared a radio station at my head for 2 hours not 1 foot away it cut off just as my eyes opened. As is, I was 10 minutes late for leaving the house and hadn’t even managed to get my feet on the floor. Oops.

Still, only managed to make it to the office 12 minutes late and then the day proceeded to absolutely crawl by. It was totally ridiculous. Got stuff done, it just didn’t seem to be moving fast enough.

I contemplated going to bed very early tonight but apparently thought better of that. Read some fan fiction, dealt with emails, and listened to a (brief, just under two hours) audiobook that included a guided meditation. Now, generally, I am not the type who can sitll her mind at a moments notice so meditation needs to be quick and to the point before my mind flits off somewhere else or something distracts me. This one took 30 minutes and I’m still rather impressed with it. It was an exceptional emotional release, however, and now I’m definitely going to bed.

Seriously, folks, totally ADD tonight. The day started with a trip to the vampire’s; maybe he withdrew my attention span in the process?

Mom was completely unsurprised about me running into KB last night. I walk up to her and say ‘You’ll never guess who I saw at the coffee house last night?’ and she guessed. It’s not supposed to work like that! Then she tried to come up with other people I could run into this week out of nowhere, including the first husband and an even older high school boyfriend. If I do, I may just have to go hide somewhere.

Speaking of going somewhere, Palmie and I have picked our destination for the bribery trip in December. See, Palmie has promised she’ll complete NaNo this year and I told her if she did we’d go on a mini-break to St Augustine and the Jacksonville Zoo! Well, today she emailed me a link to the very kitschy motel in St Aug. and I’ll be making the res tomorrow. It’ll be Zoo, hotel/dinner followed by sunrise on the beach then Old Town and outlet shopping. A fitting reward for being tied to ones computer all previous month, no?

Tonight I tried to do research; that lasted about an hour or so. Then I tried to read. No go. Then I played solitaire (this time with a full deck), couldn’t even concentrate there. I’m just restless and scattered tonight. So many things to do. So many things I /want/ to do. None of them happening. Which means this weekend will be workiful, but that’s okay.

Nothing else planned and the PiC is out of town.

Not that it was still an open case, but sometimes (when new evidence arrives) they have to be reopened.

I now know why I ran into Ried this weekend and had that moment of turmoil with my self-marginalizing answer of what I was doing. It was so I’d be prepared (with a better answer) when I ran into my high school boyfriend today at All Saints.

*headdesk*

In the interest of full disclosure, this was not merely a high school boyfriend–for there were many who wore that mantle. This was my high school fiance. Yes, Spring Break of our Senior Year he proposed and I, foolish girl that I was, accepted. Of course, then there was that whole issue where he broke it off on senior’s last day because my dating him gave him credibility with other girls and he wanted to ‘explore’ a bit. But, in true starry-eyed foolishness we ended up back together a few months later and back engaged. [Young and stupid, folks, young. and. stupid.] Of course, when /that/ time didn’t fly either I learned my lesson and the subsequent times he asked I answered no, no, a thousand times no. (See, I learned slower back then, but I did learn…)

Not that there’s any lasting bitterness (no, really, not being sarcastic here). You know, these things happen and we learn from our experiences. I’m still surprised he was the one to initiate the conversation (I was totally oblivious as I fiddled with my umbrella, trying to make sure I didn’t bask anyone with it or fling rain everywhere in the process of bundling it up before heading inside) as there was that whole Charater Reference thing while he was in the Navy… (sometime ask me about the dual lessons of ‘never put those things in writing’ and ‘hell hath no fury’) But it was cool, he recognized me, said hello, and came and chatted with me while I waited for my latte.

He has a wife, two sons, and two jobs. I’ve had two husbands, no kids, and the same job (give or take those months as the pastry chef) for 13 years. It’s not a competition or anything, but I definitely don’t have any regrets. And this time, when asked if I was still doing the cake thing (back then I was heavy into cake decorating and politics, my how things change) I was ready with a much better answer that got not only impressed raised eyebrows from him but a question from the barrista when I mentioned the graphic novel.

I’d say it’s a Wins-day, even if I did only get half an article written tonight.

It took nearly all Summer but I finally got to see the series finale of Gilmore Girls. Seriously. When it first aired (back on May 15th!) I was all set to watch it and be all teary-eyed because it’s such a sweet show that’s had an incredible run, but then someone stopped by to pick up something and WOULD NOT LEAVE. I didn’t ask them to sit down, I didn’t offer them a drink, I stayed standing myself trying to be subtle about the ‘okay, you got your stuff, I’d really like to get back to what I was doing. Now.’ vibe but it didn’t work. Missed the while thing. But tonight I remedied that situation. And it was sweet and teary-eye-inducing.

Also caught up on that whole fitness goal: I went walking after work. Even though it’d been a week (or two?) I didn’t slack, I did the 2 1/3 laps, 40 minutes, and wasn’t dead when I finished, but I was ready to get home. Next time I need to remember that even though we’re definitely at the edge of Fall (it was quite pleasant in the park and the leaves are turning and falling, some even fell on me as I passed), it’s also a bit rainy now and bug spray is going to be a good idea.

Finally, I’m catching up on the VMAs. I totally forgot they were on Sunday night so I’m catching the first half tonight on replay but I’m not staying up til midnight to see it all. I’ll catch the rest another night. I can definitely agree that Britney was not all-in for her performace (I don’t care if they pulled your original idea 3 days before the show: you could at least have some emotion and, I don’t know, actually sing). It really seemed like she was sleep-walking through it and I honestly think the battery pack and mic were for show. Chris Brown’s performance was awesome, though, and though I think he might have been lip-syncing as well, I can understand that since he’s jumping from table to table and really dancing it out. Rhianna was definitely singing and she gives a great live performance though I wish she’d done more and not just been a small part of Brown’s.

Fergie is female artist of the year? Really? Eh. She can’t even spell Tasty. (Seriously. On Fergalicious they spell out tasty as t-a-s-t-e-y. Dude. Could no one tell them they sounded incredibly stupid? And not /just/ for tastEy) I think that’s enough ridiculousness for tonight…

So last night I decided to sign up for tonights “Savvy Self-Care” teleclass taught by Kimberly Wilson of Hip Tranquil Chick. I’ve been listening to her podcasts for a while, now, trying to catch up on the backlog as well, and really like what she has to say and how she chooses to say it. I thought yoga, etc. might help me not be so ready to fly of the handle (i.e. reactionary) along with increasing my flagging endurance and flexibility. While it’s working, the mindset is actually coming sooner than the mat-practice.

Anyway, for the teleclass tonight the instructions were to re-read chapter 5 of her book and, well, I hadn’t even bought it yet, so I headed out to Borders at lunch to pick it up so I wouldn’t be so in the dark. You gotta love (or, well, I do at least) a book whose back cover starts off with “Lead a Mindfully Extravagant Life.” This is not some austere yogi who insists you live like a monk and eschew all earthly indulgences. Nope. She’s all about the pink and leopard print, of being mindful while being chic and playful.

The teleclass was great and included some simple spine stretches and even a brief but to-the-point meditation while she discussed her 8 principles to self-care (taking better care of yourself for all the right reasons). I’ll be on the lookout for others in the future. Now that I have the book I’ve only just flipped through the rest of it but it’ll definitely be good reading.

While at the bookstore I also tracked down another item of interest: MegaYoga by Megan Garcia. A pretty big (hah!) reason why the whole on-the-mat activity has been slow to catch on is that certain things (for instance, my boobs) get in the way. One pose in particular has you lying on your stomach with your forehead touching the floor and your chin tucked down with as flat a body to the mat as possible and breathing deeply. Hello, instant suffocation! So Garcia, who is a beautiful plus-size model and yogini, has written a book that shows us fluffy types how to modify the standard poses and do things in a way that’s both beneficial and still comfortable. I think there’s a DVD as well, but Borders didn’t seem to have it so I’ll have to look elsewhere.

Or so it seemed today.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to rant overmuch, I managed to fix the bugs I encountered, it was just a bit maddening.

First Safari lost its url line. Seriously, the place where you type in where you want to go (without which you’re sorta screwed unless your sticking to bookmarked pages) just totally disappeared mid-surfing this morning. Luckily I had firefox installed on Minnie and I was able to find a (very simple, right in front of me but I would have never known that was what it was for) solution via the apple support forums. Whew!

Then, as I was taking the photos for the next calligraphy article my camera had a bit of an issue focusing on a couple of images. Usually this wouldn’t have been all that odd (sometimes close-ups can be tricky, just the nature of the beast) except I hadn’t changed the position of the camera (I use the tri-pod for these shoots) and no matter what zoom (optical, I’ve never even bothered with the digital zoom on it, there’s no point) the viewfinder looked drunk. What fixed it? Moving the two pieces of paper together. Must have been something in the ‘gutter’ (of white paper, go figure) between the two five-inch cards that was screwing with the focus. But I got the shot.

Finally, as I was editing said article for the third or fifth time, I went in to make just one more change to a step (this was after pasting the article into the online submission form) and the overwrite function turned on. That’s never happened before and, frankly, I haven’t the foggiest idea how to turn it off. I ended up writing the text I needed to add after that paragraph had ended highlighting and moving the new text into place. Had to do it a couple times to get the space to go in as well. It was just so odd.

But that article is uploaded and done (knock on wood that I don’t have any editing issues with this one), I’ve stricken the set as it were on my makeshift photo set-up, and should have at least Tuesday’s comic sketched before bed, if not half-inked. Last week was crazy-busy as far as evening entanglements went. This week should be evening after evening at home and I can’t say I’m all that unhappy about it, though I may be stir-crazy by the weekend (I reserve the right to change my opinion at any time, lol).

I ran into someone at the grocery store that I haven’t thought of in years: Chef Reid from my culinary school years. He works in the bakery there, is married, has a kid. I recgonized his voice before I recognized his face and then stood there dumbfounded. When I met him, I was a different person. I had a different goal in life. It was only 7 years ago.

He asked what I was doing and I answered: “I’m back to bookkeeping.”

His response was, I suppose, typical: “That’s a really expensive degree not to be using.”

Now, I agree wholeheartedly that it was a very expensive two years that, some would say, I threw away when I decided to go back to a desk job. However I totally think I made the most responsible decision I could considering that working in hospitality had me unable to pay my rent and car payment in the same month and all those old debts from the first failed marriage? Forget it. Upside down doesn’t even begin to cover the damage. So when my old position at work opened up just when I was considering getting a second job to be able to pay my bills, I saw it as a sign, an opportunity to be responisble to my financial committments and build a better life for myself (wow, that sounds pithy, but it’s true).

When I left the Plantation (which, only a year later, went bankrupt from mismanagement–I mean, this is also the place that bounced two paychecks on me in less than 5 months) I sorta had the ‘been there, done that’ feeling. I’d done what I set out to do: I got a culinary degree and worked as a Pastry Chef. Opportunities to advance in this little town weren’t many and I didn’t want to relocate. For a while I thought I’d open my own bakery some day, but that dream gradually faded and, honestly, I don’t miss it or regret it.

I went back to school. Eventually got my AA and was set to pursue a Studio Art degree when life, once again, went pear-shaped and I was, again, divorced and needing to support myself. I liked the lifestyle I had become acustomed too and it occurred to me that I was in my career and I was okay with that. Art was something I could still do on my own time and, unlike other artists, I wouldn’t have to starve in the process.

That’s been my last seven years.

“I’m back to bookkeeping,” I said.

Why did I leave it at that? People who know me, know that being a bookkeeper is not all there is to me. Why couldn’t I say, “I’m back to bookkeeping BUT I’m also a paid writer for eHow, I started my own webcomic in May and I’m writing a graphic novel.” Why couldn’t I have even been a bit flippant and say, “Well, yeah, but my guests really appreciate that degree when I entertain and, wow, it sure made doing those Medieval feasts so much easier to run.”

I am not /just/ a bookkeeper. And, yet, that’s all I said. I feel like I should go back there and tell him: I’m not a failure, I met my goals, then my goals changed. Don’t look at me like I’ve tossed away two years and $30K. Those years were a big turning point for me, not just where education and career are concerned. I turned into myself during those two years and if I hadn’t at least tried I don’t know where I’d be now. I don’t regret the choice I made, please don’t regret the time you spent teaching me.

So last night, after I totally had nothing to say, I decided I needed a little down-time for the brain so at 9pm I put on CSI (the first time I’ve turned the tv on in several days) and decided to play a little solitaire.

Now, I really like the tactile quality of actual playing cards as opposed to play on the computer so I regularly play a few hands, and I regularly win. In fact, its sort of a thing, now: I play til I’ve won at least once. Not last night. After half an hour I still had yet to even come close to winning. I wasn’t even getting all of the aces on a regular basis. And one time I could have sworn I was on the first go-through with the spare cards but the final set was only one, not three. I convinced myself I’d not payed attention, though, and that it must have been a second go-through after all.

I finally gave up and went about tidying the front of the apartment and then decided to work on some productive bits; including the paintings for the bedroom. I set out the four canvases on the table and grab the main reference book only to see exactlly why I wasn’t winning at solitaire: I had used playing cards as bookmarks. 5 cards were still holding places in the book. Yup, I was literally ‘not playing with a full deck.’

* * *

Now, some people may wonder–indeed I’ve questioned myself about this very thing once or twice–why I put such silly, somewhat embarassing things about myself on this blog. The way I see it, it’s only fair. I mean, I use this space to rant and whine on a semi-regular basis so it’s only right that those of you who read through all those bog-downed-blogs get to laugh with me when I do something completely bone-headed like the above. Trust me, I laughed at myself last night when I realized the error.

* * *

After work (one of the slowest days in the history of work-kind) I met the Bard for supper and we strategized on the upcoming NaNoWriMo. Under two months to go!!! Once home I picked up the brushes once again and did a bit more work on the canvases before palmie called. The conversation was just getting sillier and sillier, and the social issue she called to discuss became a running joke of “I just don’t get it” that became even more appropriate when I told her to get her ass over here and we ended up watching Clueless. It was exactly what was needed to dispell some of the confusion from earlier in the day. Thank heavens for good friends!!!

* * *

And, finally, the song that’s been running through my head this evening. I adore Deirdre Flint’s quirky lyrics and Past Life Regressed has one of the most infectious melodies out there, kind of a big band swing of sorts meets electric guitar. I don’t know. It just works. And it’s funny, even when its more comiseratory.

Seriously… I’m sitting here at the prompt and I can’t think of a single thing to write. Go figure…

I mean, last week I felt very blah and icky most of the day and this week I was cranky and tired (I even told my boss to kiss my ass; don’t worry, it was in fun and everyone laughed… Mom was so proud, she even said so, without being sarcastic!). It got better both days, and I managed to write some kick-ass (if I do say so myself) articles both times (yes, that includes today, even though I had little hope of accomplishment I think I pulled out a rather witty and actionable 805 words and a spinoff idea for another month!). What gives?

I’m exhausted now mostly because I spent the last almost-hour deleting spam users from the RA forums (I need to clean out the Barony one as well… eek!). I’ve now banned anyone using a .ru or .cn email address because that’s what most of the spam comes from and I don’t have a clue what gawab is but they’re banned, too! I’m trying a little experiment, however, to see if the email verification stops the spammers (since I doubt these email addys are real to begin with) without me having to manually delete each one. If it seems to work I may switch over the Barony to that and at least take some of the scut-work off of my shoulders.

Happy thought: tomorrow I’m wearing my new shoes Palmie told me they were still selling at Zappos for $100 and I got mine for $35. Score on top of score!!!