No, not really. That’s not how I view this step it just feels like it some moments.

I was able to take care of a few loose ends tonight, I’ve notified the powers that be of the needed sca-scale-back and we have plans in place to facilitate that. Basically I’ll be invisible in November if it’s not writing related (oh, I’ll still post here as the wordcount climbs, no worries there) and then in December I’ll actually be able to function again. I hope.

The new writing era starts next week. I’m still trying to decide what is going to be my second writing day. I could keep Wednesdays and then add Saturday or Sunday, that’s 3 and 4 days between writing sessions, enough time for fresh eyes for editing. Or I could do Tuesdays and Thursdays, but then I’d only have one day between and I do still want to make SCA meetings so Thursdays aren’t really great for that (though there is a new coffee shop not far from the meeting site that might need to be checked out…). I think I’ll try Wed/Sat next week and see how it goes. This weekend I’ll wrap up the last September article and try and get a bit ahead on the comic.

The cable appointment actually went quite smoothly and while I was home UPS showed up with the Canopy for the BYOP party. Bonus! I still haven’t even opened the box yet, there hasn’t been time. I finally got the Panhandle Skirmishes website uploaded. It’s not my prettiest work, but it’s up and it’s (hopefully) correct and I can work on prettying it up this weekend. Another thing off the list.

Finally, I took a bit of a trip in the time-machine tonight. See, four months ago I had that unfortunate incident with the paring knife (that I still can’t bring myself to use or even touch) that landed me in the hospital waiting room all night. As a result of my stupidity, I missed the (crucial) last 15 minutes of CSI and the entirety of ER. I finally got to see them tonight. It was very weird realizing just at what point I no longer remembered the CSI episode which had been on in the background while I got stuff ready for the camping trip that never was. The scar from that evening is still fairly noticable and the side of my index finger is still pretty sensitive if too much pressure is applied, but I don’t think I’ll ever be as careless with a blade again!

So last night I got a good start on the title generation train–about halfway there. Apparently I just needed a bit of motivation. Tonight (after a successful session at All Saints I should say) it just doesn’t seem to be flowing. And I really need to come up with the rest of my titles for the next three months (or at least a vague idea thereof). I also need to hear back from someone regarding an email from last night, but that hasn’t happened either.

Oh, well, I’ve got an hour before bed and I will come up with something. It’s a challenge and I think (I hope) I’m up for it. The doubt-monsters kept striking today at work, but I’m trying to keep them at bay. Bay, dammit!

(aka Holy cow but this changes a lot. A lot, a lot. What in the hell am I going to do?!)

So, last night I was rambling about something was needing to ‘give’ and how I just couldn’t do everything anymore. Going by the recently-hired-first-to-be-fired mentality I was totally thinking that eHow might be the thing to go. Um, yeah, about that…

Had a bit of a chat with the West Coast after work today and, well, there’s serious opportunity here. Mega opportunity. Like, making me rethink priorities kind of opportunity. But the cost would be increasing my writing quota which would directly impact my other interests. Is it a) doable and b) worth it?

From a purely financial standpoint well… I’m salivating. I mean, I’m not going to post numbers (that would not be right to do) but it certainly makes my per-hour input more commesurate with the value of my time.

From a time standpoint, I’d have to be much more strict on myself writing-wise. Granted, the last month of going to All Saints on Wednesdays is really paying off as far as productivity goes. Two hours there usually gives me an opportunity to do most of the edits on the previous week’s article and write the draft of the next. That’s not all that bad. Right now I have an obligation to publish 3 per month. If I go with the proposed, uh, upgrade, I would be obligating myself to publish 7 per month. Now, if I really simplify it, that just means doubling my writing sessions, right? I mean, 4 weeks a month give me 4 writing slots (so that’s 3 articles with one week to spare or get ahead for the next month). And if the month has 5 weeks (one a quarter does, you know), then that’s another week of wiggle room. If I just changed my schedule to two writing sessions a month then theoretically I’m covered. As long as there are a couple days between each to clear my head between the draft and editing it shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, really, how is this any different than taking a second, very part-time job somewhere?

I’ll tell you how: content. Do I have it in me to come up with seven actionable, monetized topics a month? There’s the rub. So it’s a matter of confidence, right? Now, some of you are probably thinking I’m pretty much at critical mass for self-confidence which, some days, is true. At least that’s what I’d like people to think. But I have a healthy amount of self-doubt and self-criticism to balance that self-confidence, and right now that’s Big Issue #1.

That means there’s a Big Issue #2, right? Yup. Time management. Okay, what was I whining about last night? Right: not having enough time to do everything. What was I berating myself for today at work: the current trend of poorly managing my time at home in the evenings and on weekends. In fact, before the phone coversation this evening, I was already starting to think that I needed to get back to parcelling out my evenings into workable blocks. So, in a way, this eHow opportunity is coming at just the right time to really make that plan workable. To really give me incentive to implement. Right!

But no matter how well I schedule things, the fact of the matter is that I have approximately 5 hours an evening between dinner and bedtime (because sleep really isn’t negotiable) and, let’s say, 15 hours each on Saturday and Sunday. (5 x 5) + (15 x 2) = 55 hours to play with. Sounds like a lot when I put it that way. But, as Palmie reminded me, all work and no play is never a good idea, so let’s say a hour an evening during the week and 2 or so each weekend leaves me with 46 hours or so. Still not bad. I should be able to work with that, right? Maybe? Of course, there are always those weeks when nothing wants to work and I need to veg a night or two and, well, it’s unrealistic (if I’m looking at this as scheduling my off-time as ‘on’) to ‘work’ seven days a week, so probably the more realistic number I’m dealing with is in the range of 35 between littles odds and ends and life just intruding.

So, say, 10 hours a week for eHow (that gives me two writing sessions plus some time for photographing or illustrating points, more thorough editing and uploading). How much time does Random Acts… take? Let’s see, each strip has to be scripted, sketched, inked, shaded, scanned, digi-prepped, uploaded, and activated. All in all, rough estimate, I’d say that takes about 10 hours a week as well (some more than others and I really need to start building up a buffer again, especially if I proceed with eHow). That leaves me 15 hours a week (or, basically, Saturday) to do everything else I want to: webstuff, research, SCA meetings and events, officer stuff for SCA, home dec projects, throwing parties, creating new projects, cleaning house, doing laundry, shopping, checking emails…

Yeah.

So here’s the big question (which I also asked Palmie in a rather rhetorical way): Do I really want to commit myself to becoming a writer?

I mean, I’m sorta heading in that general direction lately. Between the comic, the graphic novel languishing in an incomplete text file, NaNo for 4 years with no signs of stopping, even this blog… I tend to do a lot of wordy stuff. I’ve always enjoyed researching, and teaching fun things (and eHow combines both of those interests) and I am capable of doing it… But am I ready to make that sort of committment. I mean, this would mean pretty much having two non-work interests: writing and webcomics (with some crossover on both fronts, so maybe it’s only one interest) in order to accomplish anything.

But the benefits. First, of course, there’s the money. The pay would be good and, hey, being paid for an ersatz hobby? Kinda moves it up in the rankings a bit if you know what I mean. Second, there’s the exposure. I mean, on the internet it takes a lot to get noticed: a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of luck.

I feel like I lucked into this writing gig by being in the right place (or rather, the right listserv) at the right time and putting myself out there even though I really didn’t have the qualifications they were getting from other people (not that I beat anyone else out, I just had interests I could write about that others hadn’t so far). So there’s one out of three. Time, well, time’s flexible not in how much we get, but how we use it. I’ve already pin-pointed on paper at least how I could conceivably accomplish the task time-wise. So that’s two. Three is effort: am I willing to commit to the effort? Still thinking.

Third, is the credibility. This goes a bit with the exposure ‘plus’ in that if I put forth the effort and make the time, I can turn my luck into what? Into readership for Random Acts… Into maybe getting a real publisher for the graphic novel. Or maybe a publisher for the non-graphic novel. Maybe I get noticed by someone else and get a better or complimentary offer. That’s a lot of very tempting maybes… And can we say that next year’s D*C could be 100% write-off? (well, except meals, there’re only 50%)

I told WestCoast that I’d have an answer in a couple of days. This change, by the way, would kick in next month. And the 7-article obligation might be changing depending on the implementation of some other site features in the hopper that would decrease the standard article needs in favor of some alternative content. Now, let me tell you, I am all for those additional ideas coming into play and they would fit very easily with my current style and so forth (but I won’t spill what it is because I wouldn’t want to be sharing company secrets).

Tonight I’ll do a bit of research on some of the ‘competition’ to see about some changes I talked about with WestCoast. Also I’ll do some brainstorming on content and if I can get together 3 months of topics (21 titles) then I’ll be good for the rest of the year and will be that much closer to saying ‘yes.’ The big thing that will desparately need to change is my level of SCA involvement. Already I don’t have time to do everything I’m trying to, and that tends to be a source for a lot of the larger committments. Again its a cost-versus-earning comparison and, unfortunately, Med.Rec. doesn’t pay for most of us. Granted, it’s still an expert vertical for the time being (though that may be changing due to target demographic reasons) so I’ll still be in, I just can’t be uber-helper-monkey anymore and I may need to discuss some prior committments with some others at the meeting Thursday, or maybe before…

Oh, wait, maybe I should back up a bit.

I managed to salvage some of Saturday night after my rant. Took about 45 minutes but I did, in fact, get over it and even thought about heading out to a club. None of the bands in town were anything I really wanted to see/hear so instead I picked up some take-out and a movie and managed to do a few sketches while watching Premonition (not bad; not great, but not bad).

Sunday I went over to Mom’s to install her new towel rack which had given her a significant amount of trouble earlier in the week. Everything has to be an adventure, right? One trip to Home Depot, two sets of drywall-mounts, and several backup plans (I think we finally finished on Plan E?) later that bad-boy is installed and no way are we moving it. Ever. Mom remarked, after the craziness, “Well, it’s not perfectly straight.” At that point I told her she’d just have to fluff up the towel on that side and she’d never notice, because it was /not/ moving. Luckily she wasn’t serious about nudging it to be a hair more level. Work got a kick out of the ordeal but at least I got to play with power tools and then Mom took me to dinner. 🙂

Today, however. Today. Monday. Oh my word was it. I hit cranky at about 11 and moved into catty around 2. Then I had the wonderful idea (since the blue pencil was not erasing well from the grabby paper I mistakenly bought last shopping trip) that I would scan the next several ‘strips’ (the bio pages that are 3 weeks of procrastinating filler… shhhh! don’t tell anyone!) and color and letter them digitally.

What fresh hell did I get myself into? I found a great tutorial only, see, I have Photoshop Elements (came with the tablet) and I can do most anything I need to in it. Except, apparently, channels, and that’s what this super simple and understandable tutorial had me using. Layers weren’t quite cutting it so I remembered that GIMPshop (the open source equivalent) was on Sonja so I go to check and see if it’ll do layers. Sure! Okay, minor setback but we’re working now.

Nope. I don’t care what they say about it being a great stand-in, for this task it was not up to the challenge. Or, rather, I wasn’t. I searched for a better tutorial and, honestly, learned some things in the process, but by 9:30 I hadn’t gotten the first pixel colored. I was almost to the point of putting up a filler image (filler for filler, I know, I know) but I couldn’t let myself. So, blue pencil notwithstanding, I did it my usual way (with brush markers) and lettered totally on the fly (which is why there is a typo… hypo? wripo? whatever it is, I totally wrote RA4ND0M and totally didn’t catch it til I was done), scanned it and then proceeded to upload the wrong version of the image (and this is why I check each post before it goes live).

Add to this the rude salesman on the phone and idiot coworkers, I’ve had a hell of a day. On the eventual purchase list gets added a copy of CS2 (or whatever is available by then), the to-do list gets a bullet for finding non-photo blue mechanical pencil leads so my sketches are even less noticable, and the realization that something has /got/ to give. Soon.

If I’d have given into the panic from an hour ago I think I would have dropped out of the SCA and quit eHow immediately just to get some pressure off my shoulders. Thankfully I realize that the current crazy-load is temporary and I just need to manage things better. Nothing will change for the next few months and I can–and will–deal. It’s my personal projects that are languishing and while many would say those are the most important, I’ve made committments that I’m going to do my best to keep because that’s important to me. Fun and sleep are overrated, anyway.

And let me tell you, if satellite systems in this town were at all reliable and not prone to weather disturbances, variations in tree foliage, and the like I would /so/ be switching right about now.

On August 31st I used the online interface at Comcast.com to request and schedule an upgrade from Analog to Digital cable. Because I did not wish to miss work I scheduled the next available weekend appointment, which was supposed to be today between 1 and 4. Did you catch the use of ‘supposed’ in there? Oh, yes, you see, apparently the online chat person (‘Larry’ I believe it was) never completed the order processing.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. At about 3:10 I decided I would call and confirm that someone was, actually, coming out today. After holding for a while (inevitable, eh, that’s what speakerphones are for) the guy on the phone told me that since the order was placed online he didn’t have access to that system and suggested I check it online.

At which point we have two issues: 1. Comcast.com is being very sluggish and not accepting logins at the moment (because I tried that while I was on hold doncha know… I’m not totally daft). 2. What do you mean that its two separate systems and never the twain shall meet? Huh? How can they be so de-centralized that any tech that answers the phone cannot look at my account and see any scheduled service changes or technician appointments?

Finally he was able to find someone who could access that system (gee, what a surprise, it is possible) and, bad news, there was no such appointment scheduled. And, oh, poor little dears, all the technicians are booked solid today and tomorrow and the next opening they have is Thursday the 20th. Now, I’d already explained to the little pipsqueak that I didn’t do week-day appointments because missing work to meet the cable guy was not really an acceptable use of my time. The next weekend appt? Sat. the 29th. Which happens to be the Harvest event. Did I really want to miss it on account of someone couldn’t do their job? Not especially.

Supposedly they agreed to call me 20 minutes before the tech is supposed to arrive but the last time we made that arrangement? Yeah, didn’t happen. They called as they were pulling into the complex and had attitude because they had to wait on me.

You know, I realize that cable is not one of those necessities of life, that it’s a luxury. But for a convenience it’s pretty dog-gone inconvenient. Why can’t people do their job? Why was the ball dropped? I mean, why is it that we have a community of worker-bees so uninterested in where their paycheck is coming from that not finishing a job is no big deal. They get paid whether the customer is happy or not and because they’re pretty much the only game in town they really don’t have to work to get customers. It’s almost enough to make you want to boycott the whole process but whose getting hurt? Not them. Me.

It’s stupid to be so worked up about it, as well. I know this. But it’s just so incredibly frustrating to have people unwilling to help. So cut off from the people they supposedly serve that they just don’t give two pins about the fact that someone else, another representative of their company, essentially lied by making an appointment that never was, casting a pall on the entire operation. They just don’t care and that’s incredibly sad.

And what makes matters incredibly worse is that I could have been doing other things today. I could have been running errands or what have you but instead I was here. Sure, I was doing stuff around the house, but that’s not the point. I was tied to my apartment for the imaginary cable guy for three hours. I spent 40 minutes and 49 seconds arguing with the customer ‘service’ person on the phone. My blood-pressure and stress levels were elevated and no one gives a damn.

I really shouldn’t let it get to me so much but, well, tihs is me and those who know me know that I really have no emotional sheilding to speak of (probably should work on that) so encounters like this really drain me. Of course I get angry and frustrated on the phone with the cable company; who doesn’t? But unlike most, I then feel guilty for such outbursts (even though I totally believe they are justified) and the up and down just kills me. So now I’m looking at the clock, it’s not even 5 yet, but I know the rest of my day is shot because of this. All I really want to do is crawl into bed and try and hope for a reset button to magically appear.