Archive of ‘64 Arts’ category

the 10th Art: Bed Arrangement

Covered with colored fabrics, placed in the center of the room, for taking meals.

Okay: first thought is that bed and couch are somewhat interchangeable here and we’ve got a similar vibe going here as in ancient Rome where they ate reclined on couches not sitting at a table. So beds, couches, tables and chairs and anything else we deem appropriate will be covered over the next few weeks. Starting with…

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After the shell-shock of my first divorce (at age 22) wore off, I eased back into the dating scene with an eye more towards Mr Right, not Mr Right-Now. There were a lot of phone calls, plenty of emails and first “dates” at bookstores, parks and other neutral grounds.

For the few who made it to that stage there was often an invitation to the guy’s home with the lure of cooking dinner together (this is what happens, by the way, when you’re dating while in Culinary School–or at least what happened to me!). Over time I began to notice a pattern.

Now, I’d read somewhere that dating a guy who sleeps in a twin bed is never going to go anywhere. Why? Well, if there’s no room for you in his bed, there’s no room for you in his life.

And while this advice did seem to be holding out true more often than not, I developed a set of corollaries to this “rule” that I will now share:

Size Matters

Twin Bed: Exercise caution. Even if you’re not planning to sleep with him any time soon, it’s still worth considering  that even if you wanted to, you couldn’t.

Full or Double: Totally acceptable (providing the pillow option doesn’t apply–see below). Says there’s room for growth.

Queen: No worries here!

King: Probably okay, especially if he’s really tall and needs the length. But beware: king beds can be party beds. I know more than one guy who had a king bed so he could have more than one extra person in there with him

Pillow Talk

One pillow: Back to square one–no room for your head, no matter how big the bed.

Two pillows: Better–as long as he doesn’t use both for himself.

Three pillows: I think this is the sweet spot–you’re guaranteed at least one pillow for your use, even if you’re just watching television together.

Throw pillows: Warning! Warning! Danger Will Robinson! How many men do you know that have throw pillows of their own volition? Yeah, me neither. Possible sources of the throws…

  • Sister or Well-Meaning Female Friend: Safe zone. These girls help out hoping that it helps to guy out. Usually just to make him happy in the end. Very cool.
  • Mother: A little dicey. It’s a little bit of the same motivation of the sister/friend but it can also signal a mama’s boy. Here in the south I think we’re absolutely lousy with mama’s boys and it’s seldom a good thing. Those apron strings need to be cut! And even worse are pillows (or, well, anything ) that Mom picked out before she died–I don’t care how hideous it is, you will never get rid of it!
  • Professional Decorator: Could go either way. On the one hand, it says that he wants to have a nice place and is willing to pay someone who knows better to do it. On the other hand, it could signify he’s high maintenance–maybe higher than you. Are you willing to chance it?

Of course nothing is ever set in stone. These aren’t rules, just observations I’ve pieced together over several years of dating.

True story: Todd and I met online (as some of you know) and were 4 states away from each other for the first 9 months or so. It wasn’t until I was totally head-over-heals for him that I learned that he didn’t even own a bed. Due to his post-divorce bachelor status and the size of his rental home (600 square feet, if I remember correctly) he slept in his very large recliner and used the tiny bedroom as an office.

So, you know, there are exceptions to every rule. We’ve been together over 2 years, now, and are still going strong. With a double bed.

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