Dressing the Groom

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

First things first, let’s state the obvious: Mr. Road Trip is fully capable of dressing himself.

And I don’t mean in the sit-com-ish man-child ‘oh, look, he pulled something together that doesn’t look half bad, here’s a cookie’ way. I mean that when I met him he regularly wore ties to work. And he irons on a somewhat regular basis–even I don’t do that! So I’m not really worried about what he’s going to want to wear to our wedding, you know?

Still, I have thoughts on the subject–boy, do I!–but they’re more preferences than anything else. And if it comes down to 2 ensembles that are equally good and I prefer one a little more and he prefers the other, I’m not going to pout and fuss because he picks his preference. After all, I want him to be just as comfortable in his get-up as I am in mine.

And since we’re more than likely going the suit route, he actually has a prayer’s chance of wearing his again, which is more than I can say for my dress!

We’re not having a super-formal wedding. It’s going to be in the morning, in fall, with a small group of people and a brunch reception. A tuxedo strikes me as a bit too much and the sight of a cummerbund makes me think of high school formals. If he did go with more of a tuxedo-style jacket, I do prefer the long tie over the bow-tie, but in the store one day, T made a very good point:

I can wear a tie any day, I want something a little more special.

And who am I to argue with that?

That said, it was just recently that we even ventured into a Men’s Warehouse to look at what they had and start to figure out his jacket size.

Can I just take a moment, here, to say DAMN, the man cleans up nice.

But you’re going to have to take my word on it, for the moment. Because just as I was thinking ‘oh, maybe I should take some pictures of this’ a salesman (who I think might have helped me out when I bought some French cuff shirts for T the Christmas before our cruise) walked up and started to assist us.

A few things we learned, aside from his jacket size, were that we both preferred the European cut (straighter shoulders and more tapering to the waist) to the Continental cut (sloped shoulders and less tapering), and that there is a distinct difference between a suit coat, a sports coat, and a blazer. To which I replied, “I don’t care what you call if as long as it looks good.”

Since my dress is a creamy ivory, we were thinking a tan or taupe suit would look good with it, but their idea of taupe has a lot of grey in it. And then, come to find out, several coats that looked the correct color on the rack and against my skin-tone when I picked them up looked almost green against T’s skin! Mr. Trips also made the point that we were under store lighting and not in natural light, and that could make a difference, too, but I still think the color change is worth being aware of.

Our salesman pointed out that if we went on their website we could have free range of the colors they offered in various styles and cuts. If we made a note of the color codes (a particular part of the item number on all their wares) he would order them in (give it a week as some might be making a cross-country trek) with no obligation by us, and then T could try them on in person.

So that was our homework, but we decided to look around the rest of the store just to see.

Shirt & Tie from Men's Warehouse | personal photo

Shirt & Tie from Men’s Warehouse | personal photo

And the one thing I took a picture of was this shirt and tie combo (see, we’re back to the tie for the time being, at least). The dark chocolate shirt with a creamy tie really struck a chord with both of us.

What we’re thinking, based on this little Saturday side-trip, is that a dark shirt with a light tie, a light-colored blazer (sports coats tend to have patterns that could conflict with the tie, etc.), and dark or neutral-colored slacks might be the direction we go for the grooms wedding day look.

All things subject to change, of course.

How involved were you with the groom’s attire?

The Dress Hunt Ends | Brides Against Breast Cancer Charity Sale

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Alternate Title: How I Bought My Wedding Dress at a Comics Convention!

But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let’s back up to the beginning.

In July, 2012, I received an email (from TheKnot, if I recall correctly) about a Brides Against Breast Cancer charity dress sale in my area. It wasn’t really in my area, seeing as it was in Jacksonville (2.5 hours away, if you’ll recall from the Alfred Angelo trip), but places like TheKnot don’t really consider Tallahassee a major metropolitan area.

Not that anyone else considers Tallahassee a major metro, so it’s not like they’re slighting us intentionally.

Anyway, I was scheduled to be in Jacksonville later that month for a comics and gaming convention where I had a table booked. So I opened the email thinking that, with my luck, it would be the weekend before or after, when I couldn’t possibly make another trip over so soon.

Nope; it was the same weekend.

Well, then, at that point I just figured we’d find the hotel it was at and make this thing work.

Guess what?

It was at the same hotel the convention was being held at.

At this point I was hearing the Twilight Zone music and thinking fate was handing me my dress pretty much on a silver platter.

Turns out the dress sale opened at 10am on Friday and my convention didn’t start until noon–plenty of time to pop one floor down (white Mr. Trips got started putting together the samples we were giving out that day–he’s such an amazing helper!) and try on a few dresses.

I was assigned a very lovely Personal Shopper who took me around to all the local vendors that were set up (like a mini bridal show–I’m not sure if this is usual for a BABC event, but it was a nice touch) and then took me over to the dresses to see what we could see.

Now, remember, I’d figured out what I wanted, to an extent:

  • Ivory
  • Lace
  • A-Line
  • Sweetheart neckline
  • A little sparkly

When going through the racks in my size, I didn’t really see that dress. But I was there, I was on a mission, and dammit I was ready to buy a dress, so we pulled 3 possibles and headed to the curtained-off dressing areas.

The first dress was miles too big and 2 pieces: a simple under-dress with a beaded lace jacket with a mega train. It also happened to only be $100, which is why I figured trying it on couldn’t hurt and, once it was on, I figured if nothing else I could use it as a base for a more custom look–having plenty to work with.

the lighting was horrible in that ballroom, so the pictures from this trip are a little wonky & blurry to boot! | all photos personal

the lighting was horrible in that ballroom, so the pictures from this trip are a little wonky & blurry to boot! | all photos personal

See, lots of material to work with if I'd gone this direction.

See, lots of material to work with if I’d gone this direction.

But it definitely wasn’t The One, so we moved on.

The second dress was super-plain, no lace, no beading, but it was ivory and a matte satin, which made it worth a try. The third was obviously a donated dress that had been altered from its tag size and wouldn’t zip up, so there was no point in going further with it.

That’s the thing about a sale like this: you don’t get to try things on and order it in your size, what you see is what you get. You can take a too-large dress in (within reason), but a too-small one usually can’t be let out more than a smidgen so it’s not worth it.

You can only take 3 dresses back at a time, so we went back to look and I pulled 3 more. 2 of them wouldn’t zip (again, tag vs altered size). The third dress was a beaded something that I didn’t even want photographed because it felt so horrible on–it was sorta like one of the Titanic dresses with the off-the-shoulder cap sleeves and stark white and just no.

But, surprising myself, I really liked that second dress.

Ignore my awkward pose on the left--I really did like this dress!

Ignore my awkward pose on the left–I really did like this dress!

It was nothing (aside from the color) that I was looking for and yet… it fit me like it was made for me. The alterations that had been done made it the right length for the heels I was wearing (I do still need to get a crinoline for it, and probably a long-line bra for good measure/smoothing) and the bustle is already installed.

And I felt good in it. I felt tall and stately, and a little slimmer than some of my regular clothes make me feel. It even matches the ivory bolero I’ve been working on (more to test the pattern but, hey, serendipity is always welcome!) and all it’ll need, I think, is a blingy belt (diy project to come) and maybe a statement necklace (ditto the diy). I made sure I could sit down in it (always a good test) and pronounced it sold.

With my dress and my wonderful Personal Shopper (wish I could remember her name!)

With my dress and my wonderful Personal Shopper (wish I could remember her name!)

In and out in about an hour, and the $250 I spent on the dress goes to a good cause. It was the perfect way to kick-off what would be an amazing convention weekend!

Here are some tips that might help if you’re an encore bride looking for her next-time-around dress:

  • Shop with an open mind. Chances are, you–like me–are no longer 20 and fresh-faced. Most of the images of brides aren’t going to fit us any more than a “regular” sample size is going to fit over my hips. But there are a lot of dresses out there, some more traditional than others, and it’s good to go in with the thought that you’re just going to see what looks good, bad, or indifferent and go from there.
  • Spend some time on your hair and make-up. The random dash into a store on your lunch hour notwithstanding, if you’ve got an appointment, don’t head in with a naked face and a messy pony tail and expect to see a bride staring back at you, just because you put on a white dress. Help yourself see yourself as a bride by trying out a new updo or chignon and putting on blush and eye shadow.
  • Wear shoes the height you think you will for the wedding. Same thing as with the hair and make-up, your posture changes in heels versus flats or in bare feet. Sure, many salons have shoes you can try on, too, but you’ll be more comfortable in your own shoes in the long run.
  • Don’t be afraid to shop outside the salons. I found my dress at a non-traditional sale, and plenty of women find a great dress online, in consignment shops, or in the evening wear or prom section of their local department store. It doesn’t have to be filled with miles of satin and tulle to be a proper dress shop if your dress can be found elsewhere.
  • Know when you’re ready to buy. On the day of the sale I knew I was ready to spend the money if I found my dress. The end result? I bought a David’s Bridal gown that I probably wouldn’t have tried on at my first David’s appointment*, because it didn’t fit my preconceived notion of what I was looking for. But I put it on, it fit great, and I was ready to buy, so I did.

There may or may not be tears, a tingly feeling, or an ethereal “moment” involved, but finding the dress is one of those biggies.

Best of luck on the search for your ideal dress!

Did you find your dress in an unexpected way?

*When I went to compare the dress I bought with the store version on the David’s site, I realized I actually had tried this one on, in white, with a wide black sash and hated it at the time. Go figure!

The Dress Hunt Continues: Alfred Angelo

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

After the holidays wound down I was itching to give the dress hunt another go. This time it meant a small road trip, though, as we don’t have an Alfred Angelo Signature Store in Tallahassee, but there is one a hop, skip, and a 2 1/2 hour drive away in Jacksonville.

Taking advantage of having the MLK holiday off, the Friend-ficiant L, BFF Star, Partner-in-Crime (PiC, from here on out) JD, and I piled into Electra (my Saturn) that Monday morning and headed east, singing along with my Wedding Belles Playlist and making general merriment until we got to the shop just before my appointment.

Just like David’s, Alfred Angelo is known for treating plus-sized brides fairly. Our consultant (whose name I’ve sadly forgotten) was great with rolling with our silliness and said she liked when she had a fun group.

I tried on another dozen or so dresses, here are a few of the better representations:

Not bad, this first dress was the general chiffon, empire with beading–what I thought I wanted, remember? And it was okay, but didn’t do a whole heck of a lot for me. There was a wrap I’d marked on my favorites list but it looked much different online than in person.

Hello, chest! We were trying to remember the beading pattern.

Hello, chest! We were trying to remember the beading pattern.

Something may have been said, here, alluding to a Snow Beast. Maybe.

Something may have been said, here, alluding to a Snow Beast. Maybe.

I felt like a frilly linebacker with the wrap on–how do people wear these?!–but I will give it props for balancing out the top and bottom halves of the picture. Still, we’d brought along my stunt-shrug as an alternative, and moved on.

I think this is my "hmmm, I think I like what I'm seeing, here" face. Or I could be trying not to laugh. It's a toss-up.

I think this is my “hmmm, I think I like what I’m seeing, here” face. Or I could be trying not to laugh. It’s a toss-up.

This was probably my favorite dress of the day–and of the 2 appointments, in fact–I just knew it was out of my meager budget. Still, it was the one I kept thinking of even when we got home. I liked the swishy tulle skirt with it’s ribbon and scattered beading (easily duplicated, by the way, if push came to shove), the bodice details and, especially, the straps. It was still sleeveless, though, and I knew I’d be wearing a shrug of some sort for the wedding and I was afraid the straps and lovely details would be overshadowed by the addition of a wrap.

Heaven only knows what I'm doing with my lips, here, or why.

Heaven only knows what I’m doing with my lips, here, or why.

We thought this hi-lo lace dress might be fun–I was thinking something slightly less than formal would be great for the idea I had of the outdoor ceremony. Truth was, the hemline looked odd on me and the beading on the lace was scratchy wherever my arms landed. Next!

But check out the boots. I’m not destined to be a cowboy-boot-wearing bride, but the heel height was about what I wanted to wear on the day-of, so I thought they’d give me a better idea of how things looked. Plus, they were much more comfortable than the shoes I wore for the last appointment!

Not even bling could help this one!

Not even bling could help this one!

Going from hi-lo to short, this dress did absolutely NOTHING for me. Even when we added the sparkly belt I thought it made me look even more short-waisted than I am. Not the dress for me (though I did think about something in this vein made over to look like dress 2, above).

Contemplating. There were several votes for this one, I just thought it was too formal for the event we were planning.

Contemplating. There were several votes for this one, I just thought it was too formal for the event we were planning.

Back into lace, this time a classic a-line with scalloped sweetheart neckline. I really liked this one a lot, too, making it my second favorite dress overall, but thought, at the time, that it was not quite right for the ceremony and reception we were having–just not right for this event.

Of course, after we booked our venue and it was determined our outdoor ceremony would be on the circular drive and not in the grass, etc., a dress like this became my goal. Like this, but not this, as this one was far outside my available budget. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

Shiny satin, pick-ups, massive everything and a ballgown--everything I didn't want in a dress, but it was still fun.

Shiny satin, pick-ups, massive everything and a ballgown–everything I didn’t want in a dress, but it was still fun.

Hows about some cupcake action, huh? Yes, we did put me into a big poofy confection of a dress that, surprisingly, wasn’t all that bad. It was way too much dress for what I had in mind, but it didn’t look half bad. The girls were unanimous in their opinion of the tiara, though, and Lyssa wondered if we should have at least bought that. The jury’s still out on just what I’ll be wearing in my hair, but I do like the idea of something sparkly up there.

Va-va-va-voom!

Va-va-va-voom!

After we’d gone through the usual suspects, I pawed through the clearance rack next to the dressing room. Might as well, right? I believe this picture was taken just after I said “Oh, Mr. Road Trip would probably like this one,” and someone (maybe several someones) replied “Of course he would.” Aside from the shiny satin and the bright white, it wasn’t a bad dress. A bit Marilyn, and way more sultry than I wanted, but it was fun to try it on.

When we left to head back to Tallahassee, I had a much better idea of what I was looking for in a dress, but still couldn’t commit until a few more details had been nailed down.

How many dresses did you try on before shaping your ideal dress vision?

The Dress Hunt Begins: David’s Bridal

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

A few months after becoming officially engaged, I decided it was time to start the dress hunt. No matter that we still had 2 years to go–it’s not like I was planning to buy anything right then, anyway! But I was a member of several shopping sites that were having limited time and selection sales (Rue La La, Dress Rush–now Tailored, and others) and I figured it would be good to have an idea of what looked good on me (not being in the habit of trying on white, formal dresses and all) so that if a good deal popped up I’d be able to grab it. With confidence.

Now, I know that sometimes the big chains get a bad rep, but as a plus-sized bride, they’re the most likely to have several samples in my size, which is important for seeing how a dress is really going to look when it’s not all gapey in the back.

Since we have a David’s in town, that was my first stop, with two close friends in tow to take pictures, help out, and generally pull anything they thought might be interesting on me. Because even though I had an idea of what I thought I wanted, I was willing to try on just about anything because you never know what’s actually going to work. My preliminary criteria:

  • Empire waist
  • Chiffon or tulle, no shiny satin or nightgown-feeling materials
  • Texture, but not the crazy-huge-flower kind of texture
  • Ruching was probably my friend
  • Ivory, not white
  • Sweetheart neckline

While I’d love something that gave me the look of a waist (I’m a rectangle with a bit of a dent at my natural waist, or a cylinder that shifts forward and back to allow for boobs and butt; something other than well-defined curves is what I’m getting at), I can’t really have anything super-tight on my abdomen or I’ll become physically ill thanks to some ongoing digestive issues, and who wants to deal with THAT lovely prospect on her wedding day? Not I!

The one thing that shocked me about this appointment had nothing to do with the dresses I tried on. I was nervous. Seriously, hand-shaking, knees-wobbly nervous. Once I got to the shop and got checked in the nerves settled down and soon we were all laughing and joking around because I can do nothing where I’m the center of the attention without plenty of self-deprecating humor. They (wo)manned the cameras and pulled dresses when our consultant (who, thankfully, never tried the hard-sell me on anything and was perfectly pleasant) switched to her second bride-to-be who was sans entourage.

Enough blathering, how about some pictures?

I tried on 12 dressed in 2.5 hours and have copious photographic proof of the good, the bad, and the awkward. Here’s a representative sample:

That would be my 'Why did I mark this as a favorite?!' look. Between the shiny fabric and the straight-across boob-line, this was a quick no. (all photos personal)

That would be my ‘Why did I mark this as a favorite?!’ look. Between the shiny fabric and the straight-across boob-line, this was a quick no. (all photos personal)

I do like the back of this one--the beading was nice but I didn't think I wanted a train at the time, so it would be a shame to cut it off.

I do like the back of this one–the beading was nice but I didn’t think I wanted a train at the time, so it would be a shame to cut it off.

Again with the uniboob look, but otherwise not a bad dress at all.

Again with the uniboob look, but otherwise not a bad dress at all.

This was probably the number 2 dress of the day. I could probably adjust the neckline into a sweetheart-ish dip, but if I could avoid it all the better. Still, the fabric had the look and feel of what I was after.

Score one for the diagonal ruching--I look like I have a waist!

Score one for the diagonal ruching–I look like I have a waist!

Too bad it was in the wrong material and what the hell is up with that seam across the back?! The sweetheart neckline was definitely an improvement, though, and for that this dress was probably number 1 of the day. Though that’s not saying much since I was in love with absolutely nothing.

The one thing it needed was some bling, and different fabric.

The one thing it needed was some bling, and different fabric.

I must have just turned around, making the a-line look like a sheath–definitely not the look I was going for.

Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope!

Help me, Obi Wan, you’re my only hope!

I swear, if this one had a hood it’d be perfect for a Princess Leia cosplay. For the geeks among us, that detachable train is actually a Watteau train (yes, really). If I wore something like this I’d be totally playing with my “cape” all day. But I don’t think I would. Wear it, that is. While I like that the dress isn’t strapless, this style totally squished the girls and, geez, take away the curves I do have, why doncha?

Some other things I learned were that the tea-length dresses, while I loved them in theory, did nothing for my legs–go short, go long, but no in between. And while I’d hoped to avoid the bulky crinoline slips, I’ve changed my tune and love them dearly–they camouflage any tummy-bulge weirdness, even under the less-structured gowns.

Also? When your bestie unlaces you from the tea-length dress you removed the aforementioned crinoline to try on, remember the lack of underslip before the dress falls and you happen to have the dressing room door half-open. Oops!

But the mission was mostly accomplished. I still didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew more about what I didn’t want, and that’s not a bad place to be, 2 years out from the wedding.

How did your first dress-trying experience go?

Make or Buy Decision: The Dress

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning
image via stock.xchng | photography by noobpriest

image via stock.xchng | photography by noobpriest

An unlimited budget is something many of us can only dream of. Dream of and drool.

Ever hear of champagne tastes and a beer pocketbook? That’s us. Actually, some days it feels more like a bottled-water budget.

But this post isn’t *strictly* about budget issues.

Back when I was in Culinary School I learned many things (obviously). One of the major points that stuck with me, though, (besides how easily one can burn off one’s eyebrows seasoning saute pans–NOT me, by the way) was the concept of the Make or Buy Decision.

Yes, I think it deserves capitalizing. It’s really that important.

In a nutshell, the Make or Buy Decision is where you have to decide if the time and materials that go into making something yourself are worth more than what it would cost to buy a comparable item from your suppliers.

You can make it yourself, but should you?

We only have so many hours in a day, days in a week and weeks in each month leading up to the wedding. Most of us are juggling work, some maybe have school thrown in. There may be children’s schedules to wrangle but there’s definitely spending non-wedding-planning time with your future spouse and very important items like sleep and taking care of yourself that have to be done. The wedding gets the rest of it.

Of those carved-out hours, we have to use them to the best of our abilities. If we’re fully capable of making our own invitations, favors, flowers and dress but only have enough hours to cover maybe 2 of those, it’s okay to outsource it. Make or Buy decision.

For me, though, it’s a clear-cut case of more time than money. With 16 months to go, I felt like I had all the time in the world compared to our small budget.

And I seriously considered sewing my own wedding dress.

After all, it’s no secret that the materials many wedding gowns are made out of cost a pittance compared to the retail price when it’s in a boutique. Lots of labor, yes, but depending on how fancy a dress you want versus the time you have available to work on it, even that might be more reasonable than paying someone else’s mark-up and overhead. What we pay for is the skill of the designer and, sometimes, a name, if that’s important to you.

It’s not to me, I just want something that looks nice on me and doesn’t blow the budget.

I gave myself until the 1-year point before I had to make the decision, but nothing in the first two dress “shopping” sessions (more like active browsing–can you call it shopping if you have no intention of buying anything?) really did anything to thrill me and I only held out marginal hope for the third appointment.

If you’ve ever thought about sewing your own wedding dress, here are some very important questions to answer before you dive in.

  1. Can you sew a straight line?
  2. Do you have access to a sewing machine and know how to use it?
  3. Have you ever made a dress before?
  4. Do you know how to read a dress pattern?
  5. Do you know how to adjust sewing patterns to fit you better or adjust a style?
  6. Do you have any familiarity with fabrics, notions, and trim?
  7. Can you sew in a zipper? And make it look nearly invisible?
  8. Have you ever applied lace or beading to a garment?
  9. Do you even like to sew?
  10. Do you have a back-up plan?

If you answered No to any of the above questions, it’s my not-so-humble opinion that making your own wedding dress is not the course for you.

The months leading up to your wedding are not the time to acquire such a demanding skill. It’s not the time to spend hundreds of dollars on specialty fabric (because you’re new at this, and probably didn’t make a muslin) only to find out you hate working with silk/chiffon/taffeta/tulle and sewing in general.

And that back-up plan? Can be anything from a friend’s dress you can borrow to paying a seamstress to fix your mistakes a month before the wedding or even going to buy something off the rack. Know, going in, that you’d better have a Plan B just in case.

But even though I’ve sewn for years, including garments that have been worn and washed many times and didn’t fall apart (an important test!), I still looked for a more ready-to-wear option before investing in fabrics and trim, but sent away for some lace samples just in case.

 Did you ever consider making your own wedding outfit?