Ceremony

Highway to Happiness: The Rings and the Rest

Wedding Recaps

Since the vows were, of course, the only thing we didn’t go over as part of the rehearsal, after they were said the rest of the ceremony felt like a downhill slide all leading up to the kiss.

All images via Pink Shutterbug Photography

All images via Pink Shutterbug Photography

Jennifer and Todd will now exchange rings to symbolize their commitment. Rings are derived from humble beginnings of imperfect metal to create something striking where there was once nothing at all. It is customarily worn on the ring finger as it was believed that a vein ran straight from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart. The wearing of the rings is a visible, outward sign that they have committed themselves to one another.

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We each, in turn, took our ring book, untied the ring and placed it on each other’s hand while repeating the following:

I offer this ring, symbol of unity and eternity,
as a token of the love I am declaring here today.
I offer with this ring my own commitment to you,
my loyalty and my love.
I promise to be a good partner for as long as love lasts.

Thanks to some very helpful commenters when I last posted about the wine blending, I’d stumbled across the perfect song for this part of the ceremony: Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes, the biggest challenge was deciding which version to go with. There were several instrumental and choir renditions out there, but the one I was most charmed by was by Johnny Cash. We’d put an explanation in the program about the ceremony, rather than have Friend-ficiant L have to narrate what we were doing, and it was a nice little pause.

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Then it was time for the final piece of the ceremony puzzle: the handfasting. Even though this is becoming more and more popular among today’s couples the majority of our guests had never witnessed it before. Everyone found it fascinating, though, so I guess that’s point for us for putting on a good “show” for our guests.

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Jennifer and Todd have chosen to conclude the ceremony with a handfasting. In centuries past, when towns were spread out and priests would travel from place to place, there wasn’t always an official handy when a couple wanted to be wed. Necessity being the mother of invention, couples would bind their hands together in a simple ceremony to declare their intentions, with the community as witness to the new union. This is where we get the phrase “tying the knot.”

In a collaborative effort not unlike the marriage we are here to witness, both Jennifer and Todd have had a hand in creating elements of this rite. Jennifer created the cord in the style of three intertwining vines, one each for the past, the present, and the future. Once tied these cords will reside in a wooden box Todd made specifically for this purpose and will have a place of honor in their home together.

Jennifer and Todd, please join hands, right to right and left to left, forming the symbol of infinity. Like a stone may your love be firm; like a star may your love be constant. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage, let the strength of your wills bind you together, let the power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Enjoy closeness, but retain your individuality. Support one another with patience and understanding. Freely give of your affection and warmth.

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May this cord draw your hands together in love, may the vows you have spoken today remain sweet in your mouths.

As your hands are joined, so are your lives.

By the power vested in me, and by the love you both possess and profess, I now pronounce you husband and wife. It is my great honor and privilege to be the first to present to you Todd and Jennifer [Road Trip].

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You may start your marriage with a kiss.

And there we were: married!

And there we were: married!

roadtripwedding

The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Highway to Happiness: Our Ceremony Begins

Wedding Recaps

The great thing about having a friend perform your wedding ceremony is that it can be anything you want it to be. That’s also one of the down-sides, since it can literally be anything and where to begin can be a bit daunting (especially for a first-time officiant). The following ceremony has been cobbled together from half a dozen different sources (at least!), remixed and edited into something that suited us. I’ve transcribed the whole thing in this and the next post just in case someone finds something useful for creating their own ceremony.

Family and friends, we are all here today to celebrate the relationship of Jennifer and Todd and to be witnesses and supporters of the commitment they share with one another. Together we’re a group of the most important people in their lives and they’ve brought us here to publicly recognize that we’ve all played some special part in the love they share today.

Jennifer and Todd want me to thank you all for being here and to recognize how important each and every one of you is to their relationship. They would also like to recognize all of those who couldn’t make it here today as they are certainly missed but not forgotten on this day of celebration.

In marriage the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right partner — it is being the right partner .

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It was during that last paragraph that L got choked up again and Mom scooted around us to hand her a tissue.

The road that has brought Jennifer and Todd here today hasn’t been easy. It’s been filled with challenges that they weren’t necessarily prepared for, both separately and together. But they’ve taken each one on and have used those experiences to strengthen, not weaken their love.

Freind-ficinant L: Do you, Todd, welcome Jennifer as your wife, offering her your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future?

Todd: I do

Friend-ficiant L: Do you, Jennifer, welcome Todd as your husband, offering him your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future

Jennifer: I do

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At this time, we invite selected family members to recite the four elemental blessings.

 

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Mama Leadfoot: These are the blessings of the elements of air: may you always share ideas, tell each other your dreams, and appreciate each other’s intelligence. The gift of air is communication.

Dr. Aunt: These are the blessings of the element of fire: may you always find inspiration in each other, find the energy you need to support each other, and have faith in your relationship. The gift of fire is passion.

MiL Road Trip: These are the blessings of the element of water: may you offer each other compassion, may you wash away hurts and share each other’s joy. The gift of water is love.

FiL Road Trip: These are the blessings of the element of earth: may you never want for food or shelter, may you thrive in health and enjoy the good things of the earth. The gift of earth is the material world.

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Jennifer and Todd, the vows that you are about to make are a way to share your love and commitment to each other in your own words. Sometimes poems, verses and quotes just don’t get the point across the way you need them to and the best option is just to do it yourself. These vows are your way of openly declaring your promise to one another as well as to all of those who are here in attendance today.

Jennifer, ladies first.

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Todd, before I met you I had come to the conclusion that marriage just wasn’t for me, that I just wasn’t any good at it. And you know full well that I didn’t change my opinion until several years together had passed. But you never pushed, never tried to convinced me, you just showed me day after day that you were different. That our relationship was different. And that when I was with you, I was different, too; different because I never had to be anything other than myself for you to love me.

Several years ago, the night before I was going to have surgery, I was understandably concerned about what was going to happen the next day. I admitted to feeling more than a little wobbly over it all. You pulled me close to you and you said ‘you can have some of my strength.’ Over the years you have continued to offer me a strong, broad shoulder to lean on when tired or sad. You always seem to make me laugh over the silliest things, and your calm, easy-going way helps balance my intense need for control. In your arms I feel safe and cherished. And I continue to be grateful for your willingness to go along with my latest, sometimes hare-brained, ideas.

Today I promise to do everything in my power to make you smile each day, to greet you with a hug and a kiss when we’ve been apart, and to always hold your hand as we face whatever the world has waiting for us just around the next curve. I will never tell you you have too many comics or games. I will always support your endeavors and encourage you to try new things.

With you I’ve learned the beauty of not planning everything out as far as the mind could see, of just letting the days come of their own accord and with no expectations. With you by my side I’ve accomplished things I’d onlly dreamed about, and am continually humbled by your faith in me.

It’s hard to believe that six years ago today you arrived at my apartment and forever changed what I knew to be true about my life. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.

There were the expected chuckles at both “hare-brained ideas” (notably from my boss) and the end bit about being wrong, but there were also a number of audible sniffles during both of our vows and the rest of the ceremony. I was right there with them, though–I may not have teared-up myself, but I did have to take a couple of deep breaths at points to keep my composure.

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Jennifer, for many years now I have admired your beauty, your intelligence, your kindness, and for the way you always know how to make me feel so special. So on top of all the other vows I will make to you today, I also vow to always appreciate how lucky I am to have someone who makes me feel the way you do and to continue to try as hard as I can to make you feel as special as you make me feel, forever and ever.

And so…

  • I vow to fill your ‘I Love You’ bank every day.
  • I promise to keep a shoulder available if crying becomes necessary, and embracing arms for when it’s done.
  • I vow to snuggle with you as often as possible.
  • I promise to kill any insects that wander into our home.
  • I vow to never take your love for granted.
  • I promise to always respect you.
  • I vow to make you really really laugh out loud.
  • I promise to always try one bite of every meal you create (unless it’s make with peanut butter).

But most of all, I vow to love you under any circumstances; happy or sad, easy or difficult, through the sunshine and through the rain, for the rest of our days. I am an extremely lucky man, and I couldn’t imagine growing old with anyone else.

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I transcribed these from the notecards we used during the wedding but I could swear there was something about a monkey at every birthday in his vows, as well.

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The Road Trip Wedding Recaps:

Crafting the Ceremony: the Handfasting

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

The final portion of our ceremony will be a handfasting–something the Hive is no stranger to, thankfully, but something that in our neck of the woods isn’t too common. Because of this, we thought it’d be helpful for Friend-ficiant L to say just a few words about it’s history so our guests wouldn’t be completely lost. Something along the lines of…

The Road Trips have chosen to conclude the ceremony with a handfasting. In centuries past, when towns were spread out and priests would travel from place to place,  there wasn’t always an official  handy when a couple wanted to be wed. Necessity being the mother of invention, couples would bind their hands together in a simple ceremony to declare their intentions, with the community as witness to the new union. This is where we get the phrase “tying the knot.”

While we don’t have that problem today, of course, I just really liked the visual symbolism of tying the knot, it gives the ceremony a nice closing element, I think. And while most scripts I’ve found for handfasting seem to take place before the rings, I thought it would make more sense to do all the other stuff then end with the tying of the knot.

Our handfasting cord | personal photo

Our handfasting cord | personal photo

It’s fairly well established by now that I’m of the crafty persuasion, so it probably comes as no surprise that I crafted our handfasting cord, too, right? There’s no real pattern or tutorial for this, I just strung a bunch of 6/0 or e-sized beads onto Number 10 Crochet Cotton and made a 5-stitch round cable out of a mix of double and triple crochet, adding and subtracting stitches at random to give it a more organic feel and slipping in beads whenever it seemed like a good idea. I did the original cord 36 inches long then doubled back, attaching the second pass to the first at intervals and doing the same with the third pass for 3 intertwined vines. Then beaded the ends in little grape-like cascades.

Mr. Road Trip will be making the box that will hold the cord both before and after the ceremony, but his work schedule’s been a little hectic so hasn’t managed more than picking up the materials. Once he gets started on it, it shouldn’t take very long. He’s pretty crafty, too, especially when there are power tools involved.

After looking through a lot of ceremony wording, we managed to cobble together this short but sweet version that we think will work for us, though some revisions are inevitable.

In a collaborative effort not unlike the marriage we are here to witness, both Miss and Mr Road Trip have created something for this ritual. Miss Road Trip has created the cord in the style of three intertwining vines, one each for the past, the present, and the future. Once tied these cords will reside in a wooden box Mr Road Trip made specifically for this purpose and will have a place of honor in their home together.

Road Trips, please join hands, right to right and left to left, forming the symbol of infinity.

Like a stone may your love be firm; like a star may your love be constant. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage, let the strength of your wills bind you together, let the power of love and the desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Enjoy closeness, but retain your individuality. Support one another with patience and understanding. Freely give of your affection and warmth.

May this cord draw your hands together in love, may the vows you have spoken today remain sweet in your mouths.

As your hands are joined, so are your lives.

Now, to close the ceremony, it’s usually “you may now kiss the bride ” or the slightly more equal ” you may now kiss each other.” We weren’t really looking for an option, but while catching up on many DVR’d Four Weddings, we  heard the officiant say “you may now start your marriage with a kiss.” How much better is that, I ask you?!

And as we kiss, what song will play?

(Direct link for the feed readers: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas)

Meet the Robinsons is, hands-down, my favorite Disney movie ever and no matter how many times I watch it (even back-to-back, to listen to the commentary) when the opening bars of Little Wonders play I get choked up. And since I’m very picky about lyrics, when I listened to the words and not just the emotion of the song I was even more impressed and it was an easy decision to ask Mr. Road Trip if he’d mind this as our Kiss/Recessional song. As he loves the movie almost as much as I do it wasn’t a hard sell.

It’s just got such a great message about embracing the moments and feelings, and letting everything else drop away. *frissons of excitement* Every. Time.

So while Rob Thomas croons we’ll kiss, slip out of the still-tied handfasting cord and place it in its box, sign the wedding certificate, probably kiss again (it could happen), then recess down the aisle.

Crafting the Ceremony: Wine Blending

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

It seems like the ring exchange is usually the last part of a ceremony before the presentation of the newly-wed couple. We’ve chosen to structure our ceremony a little differently, owing to some of the other rituals we want to include. The first of these is the unity ritual.

Unity candles and sand ceremonies are still probably the 2 main unity ritual options of today’s wedding ceremonies. But, like a lot of brides, I was looking for something a little different and more appropriate to our theme. I briefly considered a wine box but that didn’t really suit my idea of the perfect unity ritual (while some use locks, most of them involve hammering the box closed and that’s just way too jarring for me).

Then I remembered something I’d read in passing, several years ago, on the Adventures in Vineyard Land blog (now Schram Vineyards). They did a wine-blending ceremony: The Unity Wine Pour. I loved that idea, and decided it would be perfect for our ceremony unity ritual.

Of course, how to do it was the big question.

I mean, the mechanics are simple enough–pour two wines together and each drink from it, right?

But what wines, what do we pour into, who drinks first, do we drink together, etc. etc. etc.

Ideally I’d love to have a wine from each of our home states to blend together but Florida has pesky import laws that prevent individual wineries from shipping into the state without being part of an approved distributor network or some such. And, of course, the one Nebraska wine that I’ve tasted cannot ship here. Bother. That said, I still plan on stopping by the liquor store I frequent to see what they can get in and maybe even if we can do a sample tasting before committing. And if all else fails we’ll just go with a red and a white that’ll work–I just want to avoid blending something harsh. Not only would that be distasteful in practicality, it also wouldn’t be a great way to start off as husband and wife, right?

To blend the wine we’ll be pouring whatever wines we choose into a decanter. This decanter, in fact:

Susquehanna Glass Sonoma Pattern 64-ounce Classic Round Carafe | image via Overstock

Susquehanna Glass Sonoma Pattern 64-ounce Classic Round Carafe | image via Overstock

After a bit of a swirl together we’ll each pour the other a glass of the blended wine and we’ll toast each other.

Hand-cut Sonoma Grape Balloon Red Wine Glasses | image via Overstock

Hand-cut Sonoma Grape Balloon Red Wine Glasses | image via Overstock

My main concern with this ritual is the potential for getting red or rose wine on my dress. It’s almost enough to make me spray down my ensemble with Scotch Guard beforehand but, hey, I’ll live dangerously and skip that step. Probably.

Aside from which wines we’re using, we also still have to decide on a song to play for this part of the ceremony. I considered writing something for Friend-ficiant L to read while we do our thing, but figured it might be nice to give her a breather, too, after the vows, so a musical interlude it is. And to give our guests a clue at what’s going on, I’ve been looking up quotes and such that use grapes and vines as a metaphor for love, life, and relationships to include in the program. So far this one my Rumi is in the lead:

When grapes turn
to wine, they long for our ability to change

When stars wheel
around the North Pole,
they are longing for our growing consciousness

Wine got drunk with us
not the other way.
The body developed our of us not we from it.

We are bees,
and our body is a honeycomb.
We made
the body, cell by cell we made it.

–Rumi translated by Robert Bly

 After that we’ll return to our positions in front of Friend-ficiant L (the wine blending set-up will be at a separate table either off to the side or up at the top of the steps) for the last portion of our ceremony.

Crafting the Ceremony: Vows and Rings

Third Time Wife, Wedding Planning

Speaking of pomp and circumstance, does anyone remember the over-hyped train wreck that was the Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries wedding spectacle? I admit to watching it (though a few days later–I was curious, not devoted) and Mr. RT was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. When they got to the obligatory “til death do us part”, T guffawed and said, “yeah, or until divorce.”

Not witty so much as prophetic–though it didn’t exactly take Carnac to see where that one was heading.

But it did open the discussion on vows, and what we did and did not want to include. Namely, I wanted “til death do us part” no where near our ceremony.

  • For one thing, we Road Trips are each divorced, so there’s that specter of ‘yeah, right’ with those words. Tempt fate much? Not that we’re going into this marriage with anything but the utmost faith that we will live out our days in happy, silly, geeky, love, but I just don’t want to go there. I don’t want to put that same ‘yeah, right’ thought into our guests heads.
  • For another thing, who says death has to part you, really? I’m not sure if I’m 100% on board with reincarnation or anything, but a wise woman once told me about soul contracts and soul groups. About how we keep bumping into the same souls, spirits, life essences time after time and, well, we’ll never know for sure, but I think it’s a pretty cool concept.
  • For a final thing, death is a bit of a bummer. Sure, sure, it’s impossible to have true happiness without something to compare it to, but I just would really prefer to keep things as positive as possible. Not only the vows, but the readings, the music, everything we can point in that direction–it’s really important that everything reflect forward movement and a hopeful attitude.

So with that in mind, we knew that we’d write our own vows, and proceeded to look through various ceremonies for ideas and inspiration.

I came across one ceremony that included a set of elemental blessings that we thought would be great as readings:

These are the blessings of the elements of air: may you always share ideas, tell each other your dreams, appreciate each other’s intelligence. The gift of air is communication.

These are the blessings of the element of fire: may you always find inspiration in each other, find the energy you need to support each other, and have faith in your relationship. The gift of fire is passion.

These are the blessings of the element of water: may you offer each other compassion, may you wash away hurts and share each other’s joy. The gift of water is love.

These are the blessings of the element of earth: may you never want for food or shelter, may you thrive in health and enjoy the good things of the earth. The gift of earth is the material world.

Of course, this means we have to decide on four people (one for each blessing) to ask to read them, but I suppose that’s something we’ll wait to do until we get closer to the actual ceremony (and know who, for sure, is coming).

The other part of the sample ceremony I loved was the ring vows. They speak to the usual symbols of the ring but end with the awesome words “I promise to be a good partner for as long as love lasts.” Isn’t that all kinds of perfect?

Sure, it could be looked at as saying that we’re in this as long as we love each other, but it can also be looked at as the larger concept of love being eternal, which is the side I like to look at.

Of course, we still have to decide on our personal vows to go between readings and the rings. After originally thinking that we’d each write our own vows in secret and be surprised on the big day, I remembered that I don’t do well with surprises, even the good ones, and was rather concerned that Mr Road Trip would bust out with some supremely sweet and heartfelt vows and I’d go more lighthearted and they just wouldn’t go together very well. Hence, we’re going to write our vows together, and attempt to mix a certain amount of sweet and sappy with just enough lighthearted fun to keep it real.

Because there seems to be a line to walk, at least in my mind. Go for too much of the funny and we’re not taking it seriously enough, go strictly solemn and I’m fighting the urge to roll my eyes during the entire ceremony. I think it means we need a vow-writing-date sometime in the very near future.

How did you come up with your vows?