So I mentionedÂ that even though the door to marriage had opened a crack, I was still on the fence about whether or not I really wanted to give marriage another shot. These were some of my objections and, Iâ€™m willing to bet, theyâ€™re similar to a lot of women (and men) considering a 2nd, 3rd or more-th trip down the aisle.
- Things are fine the way they are, why rock the boat?
- I donâ€™t feel like changing my name on all my accounts!
- Debts: Iâ€™ve got â€˜em and he doesnâ€™t, itâ€™s not fair to saddle him with them (and vice versa).
- Weâ€™re not planning on having children/buying a house, whatâ€™s the point of being married?
- I told Mom she could/should shoot me if I ever talked about getting married again.
- A marriage license is a contract, Iâ€™m contractually obligated to be here, with him, as opposed to choosing each day to show up and be present and love him–I donâ€™t like being obligated to anyone!
If you think that sounds like a whole series to cover, youâ€™re right. Iâ€™ve actually puzzled through answers or rebuttals to most of them and will be sharing my thoughts with you, shortly.
Every good con deserves a pro, though, and there were a few definite benefits to being married versus shacking up:
- Husband and wife sound so much better than boyfriend/girlfriend–weâ€™re in our 30s and 40s for pityâ€™s sake!
- A wedding is a great big party, and I love throwing a good party.
- Should (heaven forbid) something happen to one of us, being married would cut through a lot of red tape as far as decision-making goes (next of kin, otherwise, would be Mr. Road Trip’sÂ parents up in Nebaska!).
- And, hey, some folks can still get tax benefits for being married, right?!
I know a lot of those pros seem terribly dull and practical, not at all romantic or emotionally persuasive. At the same time, though, these practicalities are very important to consider, and not just for brides and grooms who are older than the national average. Life can change on a dime and these practical details are what get you through the day to day.
My favorite Disney movie, Meet the Robinsons, includes the immortal line: “From failure you learn, from success? Not so much.”
I might have (okay, definitely have) made some mistakes in the past. And while some of the fall-out was supreme caution and a bit of second-guessing, it also gave me perspective that I didn’t have–and wouldn’t have listened to from others–earlier.
before agreeing to (another) marriage?